Thursday, October 1, 2009

Big Butt Bomb

The following (harrowing) cautionary tale serves to illustrate why the LeBlanc's need to live in a home with at least TWO BATHROOMS:
Late last night as I was getting out of the shower, tired, cranky, ready to curl up in bed with Margaret Atwood's new beloved husband, Michael, wandered in the bathroom and dropped the Big Butt Bomb on me. I'll see if I can recall the precise wording here:
Michael: Ha Ha, Hey Dona, I just remembered the first time I saw you naked. I was shocked by how big your butt is.
Madona (covering herself with extra-large towel): What?! Are you trying to be mean?! What!?
Michael(quickly back-pedaling): No, no, I just remembered that I wasn't prepared for you to have such a big ol' ghetto booty. I don't know why I couldn't tell with your clothes on.
Mad: I don't know why either. It's not 'ghetto!'
Mike: You call it 'ghetto', why can't I?
Mad(gritting teeth): Because.
Mike: I was glad when I saw how big it was. It just meant I was getting more bang for my buck!
Mad: didn't pay any bucks...

At this point in the story, Michael leaves the bathroom so that his marriage doesn' flushed.
Gentlemen, please, take my advice, don't use the words 'big' and 'butt' in the same sentence when referring to your lady. It doesn't matter if you like big butts (who doesn't?). It doesn't matter if your lady refers to her own butt as ghetto (which must be politically incorrect). And it certainly doesn't matter if it's the Gosh Honest Truth!
Fortunately, not only do I have a big butt, I also have a big heart...and I forgive my darling dear for his infraction (he'll pay somehow).
The LeBlancs need two bathrooms for privacy issues, obviously. But also because the current loo has been overtaken by squirty pirates and squeaky ducks.

Noah and Michael can share, and I will have my own lady room with undisturbed bubble baths, long luxurious lotion slathering, and fresh, sweet-smelling air to breathe. I can dream.
If you want to donate any monies to the Build Madona a Queenly Throne Room Fund...please do so right away. ; )


Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious and absolutely TRUE!!! Guys and big butts and well...they like other things big too. LOL. Enjoyed the read...keep it up, I'm always in need of a little laugh.

MaddyG said...

I'm glad you appreciated it Shannon! ; )

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