Mad on a Gray Sea

Fabric Block and Stenciled Onesie- Easy Baby Crafts

2011-05-16T18:17:00.000-04:00

Here's a couple crafts I've been working on:

I took some random scrap fabric, crinkly stuff, ribbon...and made...

A brightly-colored soft block with taggies for the baby to squish and mush and chew on.
It's a bit loud, I hope it doesn't frighten her!

And I decorated a plain onesie.

Stencil + fabric paint= voila!

I totally plan to do a few more of these with other cute designs. This one reminds me a little of a Christmas card. But I like it anyways.

Before you think that I'm a super crafty person, you should know that both of those projects were completed during Noah's naptime. Not time-intensive or expensive. Cheap and Easy- just how I like it! ; )

By the way, if you have any suggestions for simple baby crafts- please let me know.

In other news: we've found a name that all three of us like, it honors a family member who is no longer with us, we appreciate the meaning and significance of the name, and there are some sweet nicknames that we've already been addressing her by.
I might wait until after she's born to share the name....
We'll see if I can contain myself!

Upcoming Projects

2011-05-04T15:27:00.000-04:00

I'm listing a few project ideas here to keep myself motivated (and to just record this transitional place in my life). Maybe, just maybe, if I've made this list public, I'll actually buckle down and get to work on a few things.
But don't really count on it. Ha!

1) First, the inevitable, ongoing project of BABY. This includes being pregnant and pursuing the cravings that go along with it. It also includes selecting a name for the sweet baby girl on the way. We're struggling big time with this task...so if you have any suggestions- send them my way!!! PLEASE! Also, send boy names too just in case the ultrasound tech was mistaken.

In addition to the Great Name Project (which is driving me a bit insane), I want to try my psuedo-crafty hand at making pink and frilly baby stuff- clothes, toys. If you are crafty and have any ideas for simple, beginning projects- please comment.

The nearby fabric store was having a Spring sale and I popped in today. Picked up these lovely girly-girl fabrics.

Before we knew the gender, I made this bib. Because any groovy guy or gal can appreciate the King.

2) Besides baby stuff, I want to make/decorate a special Big Brother shirt for Noah. I have fabric paint. Just need to pick up a T-shirt and get to work. That should be easy, and I like it easy.

Noah did not try to hide his disappointment when he found out that a little sister is on the way, rather than a brother. He fantasized about teaching a little brother all of his Boy Ways.

I need ideas about how to get him excited about the new FEMALE person arriving in his life. Thoughts? Suggestions?

3) On top of having a baby due in August, we are also trying to move...AGAIN...and in August. We're looking to become first time homeowners. So, I guess house-hunting is another project keeping me busy. I just want an extra bedroom for the littlest one, a small outdoor space (yard? patio?) for a garden/container garden, and a kitchen that is larger than our current apartment kitchen. And I'd prefer to stay in Takoma Park, of course. I'd also prefer to stay within the particular school zone that we're already in...I like the kindergarten that Noah will begin in the Fall.

I have so longed for my backyard garden from Syracuse this spring. I've envied our non-apartment dwelling neighbors and their gorgeous blooms. And as much as I love to cook and bake, I haven't been able to stretch my wings in the closet-sized kitchen we currently have. The cheese-press Michael gave me for Christmas sits gathering dust because there is just no room for a cheese factory in our apartment. No room! So a place with more room to further pursue more PROJECTS. That'd be ideal. : )

4) Then there's my poetry. I would love to grow further as a writer. I need more practice. I need mentoring. I would ultimately aspire to mentor others...oneday. Takoma Park is a fantastic place to be for an artist, plenty of inspiration, plenty of people to look up to for guidance, a community that is passionate about art.

Unfortunately, I don't feel like I can really committ to a strict, disciplined writing schedule at this point. But it is a plan for the future.

Well then, that's enough to get me started (and I haven't even mentioned salsa dancing or learning French).

I welcome all suggestions and encouragement...crafty, baby, home-hunting, writing, or otherwise!

In Celebration of Takoma Park, Spring, and a Return to Blogging

2011-04-20T15:52:00.000-04:00

When we first moved here in July (2010), I fell in love with the politics of the place, the passion for poetry and the arts, the playful spirit, the family-friendly community, the proximity to DC, the criss-crossing trails littered with bikers and strollers and joggers, the green green canopy of trees overhead, the urban deer tiptoeing in back yards and the black squirrels chattering.

But, honestly, it was damn hot- like a slap in the face everyday-leaving your face stinging and deep red. Some kind of humidity demon sucking the breath out of you- that was part of summer...if you couldn't find shade. And there is never enough shade to cover a Summer. Lethargy and mosquitos. Plus, I missed my garden.

When Fall arrived, the brilliant changing leaves made me swoon. They catch your heart on fire as you remember remember remember all the Falls that came before. O' the bittersweet power of memory that Autumn exposes. The crisp air, the orange glow enveloping life in a bubble- reminding us to harvest and then come to rest and be mild.

Then the Winter was on us like a gray sweater, stark and svelte. Streamlining desire, suppressing, forcing us into hibernation- a chance to be more thoughtful. A turning inward because the outside world is so so cold. If the snow or ice builds up, trees and power lines snap under the pressure, and you could be huddled without power- realizing how helpless you are to the whims of nature (and ineffiicent electric companies).

Now! Pure JOY! It's Spring! Takoma Park is known as Azalea City, and I never knew how lovely a city could be. Everyone must have conspired long ago to plant and nurture all of these gorgeous gorgeous trees and flowering shrubs, so that Spring would bring such incredible ecstasy. Green little sprouts and sprigs of hope frame your perspective. Buds shake their darling heads- affirming- yes- YES! The birds echo that same sweet song- oh baby- YES! Of course, this is not the ideal if you have allergies. But I am loving it today. Everything is exclamation points and Capital Letters!

I regret that I haven't written much lately. But I regret even more that I haven't carried my camera along through these seasons. I've wanted to take photos more and more because the beauty is just overflowing.
Back to it!
I can't stay away long!
You see, after trying to conceive for well over a year, sinking into despair because I thought I was infertile (which meant that I had to face the fact that I'm getting old and closer to death), and then getting pregnant- out of the startling blue- I've just been processing the news... excited, and completely absorbed in analysing the possibilities and limitations that the birth of a second child will bring.
So there. That's my excuse for being absent from the blogosphere these long months.
Plus, I was hibernating along with the other creatures.
But now, it's Spring. I'm awake! And hungry!

Boys and Guns, Apples and Arrows

2010-11-07T21:56:00.000-05:00

I've voiced concern before over the kind of person Noah will grow up to be.
After a conversation today, (which really is part of an ongoing debate about violence and masculinity between me and my 4 yr old), I'm fairly certain that he will take great pleasure in rebelling against my peace-lovin' hippy ways.

Dinnertime talk:

Mad: Noah, must you turn your garlic bread into a gun tonight?

Noah: Yes, Mom!

Mad: Why do you turn your bread into a weapon, darling?

Noah: So I can kill the bad guys.

Mad: But Noah, can't you just give the bad guys a HUG and turn them into good guys?

Noah: No!

Mad: Why not, honey?

Noah: I need the bad guys to be bad so I can shoot my gun and kill them!

I actually realize that Noah is not atypical, that many boys behave this way, that it is not a personal attack on my values. Sure sure.
Rationally, I realize this. And I take deep breathes. But it's hard to not have internal alarms going off; blaring, warning, warning, your son will be swept up into a cycle of violence and retribution...that doesn't end...until it all ends.
I don't know what is cultural, what is learned on the playground, what is absorbed from cartoons, or what is biological.
And what to do? Forbid him to pretend? Make guns such an enticing taboo that he will be even more drawn to them? Say no, no, no...and force him to play guns secretly...making them that much more powerful and seductive?
I don't have any answers to those questions.

Here's irony for you: this quote (with it's weaponary and shooting) popped into my head which expresses this feeling of helplessness that parenting can be. The essence of the quote is: 'having a child is like shooting an arrow into the sky...you have no control over where it will land'...someting like that.
However, just now when I tried to google the quote to get the accurate wording, I couldn't find it.
I only found bizarre and violent mentions of children getting shot with arrows, and of course the William Tell shooting an apple from his son's head.

Nevertheless, Noah is an arrow soaring in the sky, already beyond my reach. Sigh. Boys.

Time Capsule/Frankenstein Love Letter...or: I never throw away anything written to me

2010-10-23T09:29:00.001-04:00

I was looking, tonight, through a dusty box of old poetry; trying to select enough tasty morsels to read to a captive audience (I have a reading on November 18th). Within that dusty box, there was an entire history recorded, cryptically. Some of the things I wrote should not only be thrown away, they should be burned and the ashes should be stomped on, scooped up, and tossed over the edge of a cliff. But, alas, I can't do it.

In fact, I'd rather humiliate myself a little more by sharing a few things here. Oh, why not.

I'll start by sharing a strange creation of mine. I can't call it a poem. I didn't write a lick of it. Way back in the dawn of time, people used to write actual physical tangible letters to each other. There were folds and creases and handwriting quirks and doodles in the margins, tear drop stains and lipstick streaks. Well, I took a bunch of letters written by friends and family, cut them all up and pieced them back together into a freakish Frankenstien letter to my 19 year-old self. Don't strain your eyes trying to read these! I'll type it all out for your amusement! It's been over 15 yrs since folks wrote these words to me. Some are no longer alive. Some are lost to me in other ways. But I have their crazy, wonderful, earnest and silly longings and wishes in this time capsule to myself.

July 5, 1994 Tuesday Morning

Dear Madona, Dearest Niece Madona, Hey Tyler, Ty, To Tyler from Jon-Boy,

After you're rich and famous, I'll say

Same people, same places

Did I tell you that Aurielle lost her two front teeth on the bottom?

I can hold a pencil in my fingers.

...and I can't. Isn't that unfair? You can work 4 days a week at the club and you don't think that bothers me? But I don't say I have no respect for you. I love & respect you.

my period is very irregular lately

and the radio said Lollapalooza was rained out

Mike sounds soooooo cute, I think that blond hair and

my theory that rap music is a communist plot to weaken the infrastructure of American society

backbites her own children, Ok? Try to give the person the benefit

computer you ganked from the family. Why you little devil.

When we were fixing to take the boys back swimming he gave me

fast cars, a nice house, a couple of rug rats, a small harem, and to in general just be happy

the children put on plays, skits, sings and dances

but we claim healing in the name of Jesus!

What do you want from life? Well, besides sex

go down the river in Mason's boat. That's one of my favorite things

and not be so possessive, I will promise to be everything to you, including your future

I do worry about you

(one was killed by a pack of dogs) then the dog catcher

He made the Dean's List.

I came into the theater today looking for a job. Do you remember?

I have emotional problems

I would rather call you Madona, but if you like Tyler I will call you that. Sometimes I call myself Chicken Wang

Cold Cold in MN tonight

you haven't found you a fella yet! there has to be one nice single cute man in Minnesota

Well we got to the beach last night, however, I never left Lake Butler

We stood on the front porch last night and watched fireworks. They were mostly duds.

watched a movie and later that night called and said you would have kissed me if I had tried

don't strike me down with your wrath

1995 will be the best

incredible friendship and relationship. I'm ready to commit myself

Forgive me for getting pissed off

housework keeps me hopping

I have the feeling you're a booty call. I like Bryan, he's nice, but

Hot! We need the rain

Don't lead me on or use me as a security blanket

From Will The Temp Guy reading the Barbara Kingsolver book, Grandma, Love, Erica M. Freeman, I love you, Jon, Dawnnita, Your Friend, Travis, Love Always, Aunt Beth, Cousin Fritz and Cousin Biener, Love Jay, Love always and forever, Mommy, Aurielle and Smokey, Love you, Granny Erlene, Always Friends, Leslie, Love & Hugs, Shannon, Love ya honey, Mary, Love, Aunt Peg

P.S. If the pictures do not arrive soon I shall gather my tools of torture (handcuffs, whips, etc.)

P.P.S. Everyone says hi and sends their love.

A few recent poems...with a disclaimer.

2010-10-17T15:42:00.000-04:00

I'm not extremely confident that my poetry is anything. I just write it because I have to. I don't edit very much. I don't rewrite. I don't strive for perfection because life is too short...and there is no such thing as PERFECT in poetry or life. So, there. I have given you my disclaimer, and at the same time set the expectations low. I'm off the hook! And so are you. Enjoy. Or not.
There's only 3 short poems to endure here. The last one being the most 'positive'- written today.

A few poems written recently on trains or during walks home... (listed chronologically):

Unanswered Questions

If I cross a line
Will you
Remind me
Where the boundaries are drawn?

Is the question
‘What part of me do you see
that I am blind to?’
Or is it
‘What part of you is blind to me?’

I have only the
Most miniscule inklings
Like the faith in a silent god
Affirming

A defense mechanism
Preventing the harshest of falls

What Can Stop a Train?

The expectation of amnesia
Understanding we experience
Then choose to forget
Especially those things
That would force change
What we can’t change

The mind races along
A high-speed train in its dark passage
Grasping for nothing
But a steely track

If we could only
Brake, pause, seal in amber
The touch of skin
The knowledge of a line crossed for the better
A connection tender
Sweetness recollecting, tasted on lips

But what can stop a train
From plowing along its predestined course
You? Me?
Figures illuminated ahead on the tracks
Phantoms disappearing on impact

Wishes for you:

To discover a secret hidden message
Written on your window’s condensation
Carving out heat from autumn chill.

To find a forgotten 5 dollar bill
In last year’s coat pocket.

To discover a fresh route
To walk your way home
sun-on -your-back.

To find a capital M, Mystery
That unravels your heart.

To discover a gift that was never lost,
you didn’t know you possessed
Until it was too late to do anything
But appreciate its grace.

Every 20 seconds, a child dies from a water related disease... Blog Action Day

2010-10-15T10:36:00.000-04:00

Even though I grew up in relative poverty, I feel extremely lucky.
I was lucky to be born in a wealthy, developed country/America;
where water is piped into our homes,
where there are public drinking fountains,
where drinking water does not kill you.*

Does it sound and feel crazy to you that 46% of the world is not so lucky? 46% of the world does not have the luxury and convenience of H2O piped in. What do the other 46% do to hydrate their bodies, to wash their babies? Because water is what they lack, they live a life consumed with the quest of obtaining it.
This quest rests heavily on the shoulders of women (or rather, carried on top their heads), who often walk 8 hours a day to gather water for their families, their children. And even then, the water may be full of human waste, chemical run-off, hidden disease and death.

Did you realize there is a CLEAN water crisis going on? Probably not, because if you are reading this blog, you are more than likely priveleged enough to have a computer and priveleged enough to have ample amounts of disposable time to read my silly ramblings. Clean water is something that you, if you are anything like me, probably take for granted most of the time.

I'm trying hard to not take it for granted today. I thank my lucky stars that I am spending my time/life thinking, laughing, reading, writing, loving, dancing, teaching, learning...instead of gathering water.

There are ways to make it better for ourselves, our children, and the other 46%:

1) We can conserve water, not be so wasteful. After all, it is a limited resource. In fact, it becomes more and more limited as the world population grows and our current water supplies get more and more contaminated.

2) We can educate and empower ourselves about our world. We are all connected, sharing the same sky, earth, and water. Learn how what you do affects others. Be mindful of your impact in the world. Take responsibility.

3) We can support the efforts of groups devoted to working on the water crisis. Groups like Water.org and charity: water work to bring wells and fresh, clean water to that 46% of people not as fortunate as ourselves.
4) If you are tired of helping others and worrying about the problems of the other 46%, then help yourself and your children:
Make sure that lawmakers are PROTECTING PEOPLE, water, air, and NOT POLLUTERS!

If you want to learn more or check my facts, visit Water.org,
and read the National Geographic's Special Water Issue (Our Thirsty World).

~Clean Water Cheers!

*However, with the rising toxicity of our waters, that is questionable. Many links are being made to water and cancer clusters. We've all seen Erin Brockovich, right? Maybe I should revise my statement to "drinking water does not kill you immediately."

Your Hometown: a left-brained and a right-brained approach to perceiving the place.

2010-09-27T12:17:00.001-04:00

Maybe you're like me, and you're far, far away physically (and spiritually) from where you started. But maybe, like me, you still have internal conversations with old friends or family who have departed. Maybe, like me, you never stop loving people you grew up with and you visit them in blurry dreams.
Or maybe not.
Maybe you're not like me at all and the past is the past is the past...
Nevertheless, you might still like to check out these sites.
Your hometown- a left-brained and a right-brained approach to perceiving the place:

1) Arcade Fire's The Wilderness Downtown interactive video site. You really really should have Google Chrome for this experience. Just download it and all is good. The Wilderness Downtown is pretty neat. You put in the zip code from your hometown (or anywhere) and the video captures parts of your hometown using Google Maps and some awesome music and art. The result is a custom-made music video!

It may not be the hometown of your childhood memories, but, really, you can never go back to that.

It's lost. Only accessible in those aforementioned blurry, time-smeared dreams or glimpsed running by out of the corner of your eye.

If you are unfamiliar with Arcade Fire, they are responsible for the emotional, epic music in the Where the Wild Things Are film. It's pretty interesting hearing this epic music playing over images familiar to your life. Kind of like a soundtrack to a memory from the past.

2) Patchwork Nation. This is a totally different experience than The Wilderness Downtown! Patchwork Nation is a research and reporting project that maps information about America in a more compelling and complex way than using those tired old monikers like Democrat and Republican...which really don't get to the heart of what people are. Patchwork Nation looks at the factors that might make you a liberal or conservative; like race, income level, religion, education level...but it also challenges those assumptions by showing that we are more complicated than those labels.
So, like with The Wilderness Downtown, you punch in your zip, and it spits out information relevant to you. It shows you the demographics of your hometown, or current town, and puts your county into a category like "Monied 'Burbs" or "Boom Town" or "Tractor Country" or "Evangelical Epicenter." These categories can be problematic too due to the fact that they are based on the county, not the city or neighborhood. For example, my current zip was categorized as a "Monied 'Burb", even though there is a huge immigrant population here in pretty dire poverty. Yet, because the wealth of nearby Bethesda and Chevy Chase are in the same county, the entire area is classified by that wealth.
In spite of it's limitations, Patchwork Nation gives insights on how we are changing politically and otherwise. You can see where all foreclosures are taking place and how that effects how people vote. You can see where counties with Cracker Barrels are versus counties with Whole Foods. You can create some cool map/data mashups.
Maybe I'm just a nerd. But, it was fascinating for me to see the data on the different types of communities that I've lived in...how diverse they are, or what they have in common.
My hometown, Lake Butler, FL, currently has a population of about 15,000...and about 86% of those people consider themselves to be Evangelical Christians.
The town I reside in now, Takoma Park, MD has a population of 950,000...with just about every religion represented...only 14% Evangelical.
Very interesting!

When the creator of Patchwork Nation spoke to a group of us last week at Greenpeace, I asked him if he knew of any similar sites that study this kind of human data, but on a more global level. He pointed me to Gapminder, which looks at world trends. Cool mappy stuff.

A Small Shaving Tip: If you can't beat the system...break it!

2010-09-18T17:13:00.000-04:00

A couple of random tips for the ladies (and applicable fellas too):

1) If you shave your legs with hair conditioner, they will be much softer and smoother than if using shaving cream. You may find yourself unconsciously caressing your own legs in public, causing great embarrassment to yourself and those around you.
That has been my experience anyways.
Go ahead and try it, and let me know if you have any similar experiences.

2) If you do use conditioner to shave your legs, then you should probably be seated whilst shaving. Otherwise, as the bottom of your tub becomes all slicked up with the magical, mysterious, unpronounceable and surely toxic conditioner oils and ingredients, you very well may find yourself sliding right out of the tub and onto a hard, tiled floor, whirling and spinning around like a character from Electric Boogaloo. And let me assure you that it is not fun at all to breakdance in the nude.

That has been my experience anyways.
Go ahead and try it, and let me know if you have any similar experiences.

Transportation Meditations: Part 3: Public Trans.- The Metro

2010-09-17T15:53:00.001-04:00

Maybe it's just that I'm in the honeymoon phase of my relationship with the Metro, but so far- I heart it so!

First of all, oh my, the people-watching opportunities are unbeatable. There are all kinds of folks elbow to elbow ("It's called Speed Stick- It's not expensive!"). In the mornings, people tend to be on the quiet side, waking up. But in the afternoons, whoa, what conversations (with occassional splatterings of profanity) I overhear. Sometimes complete tragic dramas are played out over a mobile phone. And I think I might have witnessed a baby being made yesterday. Are we either exhibitionists or voyeurs?

It is truly Public Transportation Theater. I went to a Creative Writing Group meeting the other day, and one of the writers insisted that the Metro is the best place to get story ideas. True dat. It's also a good place, as a writer, to listen to genuine dialogue, genuine slang, speech patterns, etc. to include in your writing. You know, slang that's more current and authentic than 'true dat'. But I digress.

Another few reasons I love the Metro (so far), are: it's easy, effortless- a lot simpler than driving into DC and parking. There are so many OneWays, traffic, crazy drivers, traffic, and more traffic, and road rage. The last time I drove to DC was for a Dr's appointment for Noah...it took FOREVER to traverse 7 miles, and when we finally arrived home, I just wanted to drink. Nerve-wracking. The Metro, on the other hand, you step on, no traffic...um, yeah, the train shares it's track with nada...and then you step right off, convienently at your destination. On the way, you could read a book, listen to your Ipod, people watch, or even have a long, loud personal conversation on your phone for everyone on the train to hear, etc. Whatevs!

Also, I adore the fact that I'm not driving a car that is idling through traffic, burning up the fuel, smogging up the air.

My only complaint is that during the peak hours, the Metro fares are a wee bit expensive. 3 bucks there, 3 bucks back. Not really expensive, I guess, if you consider that to park a car in DC, I'd be spending at least $10-15 a day! And if you factor in gas costs, car maintenence, insurance, and monthly car payments....well, that 3 bucks there and 3 bucks back is certainly the more frugal choice.

I realize I haven't shared my adventures with buses yet. Soon to come, ok!

In the meantime, I'd love to hear about any of your Public Transportation experiences/opinions/eavesdroppings.

Greenpeace and its haters

2010-09-15T09:33:00.004-04:00

I started my internship with Greenpeace this week!
While some of what I'm doing has to be kept confidential (just in case someone from Exxon or BP reads my blog! ; )), I can share some insights here and there.
First of all, I've been really surprised by all the Greenpeace haters in the world. Some haters actually have interests that are in direct conflict with Greenpeace. For example, a logging company (Sinar Mas) that cuts down ancient rainforests in order to sell Palm Oil to Burger King to cook fries in. Well, Greenpeace values the rainforest, the animals that live there, and the humans who need the oxygen from those ancient rainforests. Yes, Greenpeace values that over the ability of Sinar Mas to make an easy buck. So, the conflict ensues.

Greenpeace, which is committed to NONVIOLENT forms of protest, informs the public about what Sinar Mas (and Burger King) are doing. Greenpeace is known for it's creative approaches to getting attention on a particular issue, and putting pressure on corporations to rethink and change their approaches. If you want to read about how successful Greenpeace has been with this particular campaign to save rainforests, click here, and you will see that Burger King has agreed to let us 'have it our way'- by dropping Sinar Mas.
Anyways, I just wanted to give that one very recent example of how Greenpeace is working hard to protect forests, animals, and the environment. Most of us can agree that Sinar Mas can choose another way to make its money, without destroying the planet.

It's those other areas, like Greenpeace's unyielding views on nukes and coal, that make it an organization that is opposed by many people in the mainstream. I understand a conflict of views/interests/perspectives. However, I can't understand the venom behind some of the opposition. It seems like a lot of the haters don't really know what Greenpeace does, and the haters project all of their issues with 'liberals' or 'hippies' onto Greenpeace. Misdirected hate.
Luckily, Greenpeace has a history of standing up to criticism, standing up even when they are being fired upon. I'll repeat, Greenpeace participates in NONVIOLENT protest. Activists often put their bodies between a tree and a bulldozer, between whales and whalers, between baby seals and a clubber, between a rainforest and a forest destroyers. I really respect their efforts, obviously, or else I wouldn't be involving myself with Greenpeace.
Watch this video, if you will, and see some awesome historical Greenpeace activism.
I find it pretty inspiring.

Transportation Meditations: Part 2, Bikes.

2010-09-07T11:35:00.001-04:00

I have a limited experience with bicycles, but I appreciate their image.
Unfortunaetely, I've never been very serious or steady with them.
A bike has coasted into my life every 10 years or so, leaving knees skinned, muscles worn, tears.

I have an early memory of visiting my father, his wife Carla, and her children in Starke. Probably there were Tyler cousins around too. I was being carried around on the handle bars of someone's bike, when one of my (surely bare) feet strayed into the danger zone of the bicycle's spokes. A flip. A flop. A dusty end. Wailing ensued.

Later on my own bike, on the dead-end street near my grandma's, I would ride around with the gang of neighborhood kids. Us girls all toted our baby dolls in pink and purple baskets attached to our pink and purple bikes. Kristy had a Cabbage Patch Kid that I envied, a reminder of my (relative) poverty (no Cabbage Patch Kids, no summer camps, no labels). Jamie had a Kimberly Cheerleader doll who was massive, long-legged, short-skirted, with long, flowing locks of blonde.
I had an ugly plastic baby named Suzy (I named them all Suzy for a while) who would really pee. I would feed her a bottle of water, and she would immediately soak her diaper. Her eyes would close when you lay her down and open when held upright. My unsteady bike wheels weaving through patches of dirt.
Suzy skidding across the dead-end street with a strangely satisfying thud rattle thud rattle. Her plastic nose whittled down by the gravely road, her dress- tattered.

I had a Salvation Army $20 bike briefly when I was a student at UF. I wasn't bravehearted enough to ride it around town, but I happily rode it up and down campus paths until it was stolen by a Grateful Dead dreadlocked kid (I'm fairly certain of this). My memories of this bike and this time are mostly of being extremely sweaty in the hot Florida sunshine, the aroma of Hare Krishna food, and the color yellow.

Current day. I found a bright, day glo orange/pink beach cruiser in my mother-in-law's barn, destined for a landfill. I had dreams of transforming her into something more serious, respectable, useful. I painted her a deep wine color, I fixed up her bungling wheels, I moved her with us here in Takoma Park. And here my dreams met reality. The bike has no gears, no brakes. I'm terrified riding her in the street. I can't get up even a smallish hill, and here there are many hills smallish and large-ish. Pulling Noah along behind me in his little bike trailer is a Herculian feat. And Hercules, I ain't.

I haven't given up on the whole bicycle experience. I just haven't found the right bike for my current situation. Takoma Park is pretty bike friendly, there are bike lanes, people are zipping by on snazzy bikes right outside the coffee shop window as I type this.

My husband bikes to work daily. I'm so proud of him. He does it because he wants to get around without a car, without depending on oil, without polluting the environment, because it's a great workout, because he enjoys it, and because he likes to challenge himself.

I fantasize about Michael, Noah, and I coasting along together (as a biking family) through quaint little villages, breeze across our brows, stopping in a shady, quiet, spot for a picnic.

Transportation Meditations: Part 1, Cars.

2010-09-03T17:05:00.000-04:00

How we get from Here to There is important.

Transportation is a big deal.
An entire perspective can be altered by how you choose to get around.
I'm fortunate enough to have a plethora o' choices about how to move myself through the world,
and I'll be exploring some of those choices right here.

My personal car history:

I learned how to drive in my grandma's Lincoln Towncar.
It was an opportunity for her and Mr. Ray (her 6th, 7th? husband) to have cocktails in the backseat while I chauffered them through the scenic country backroads of Lulu and Sanford and Raiford.
"Look. A cow."
Once, I drove right up to a gas station and managed to wedge the whale of a car between the gas pumps and the gas station door, effectively trapping 4 or 5 people (about half of our small town!) inside.
Oh how they tapped and banged on the Quick Stop door, oh how they rolled their terrible eyes.

During my junior or senior year in high school, I acquired a white Ford LTD, which was a former police car. I used The Man's car to skip school a few times, making my transgressions doubly delightful.
Teenaged Me and the Freedom of the open road were a heady mix. I could not be chained.
I could not hold still for two seconds. That first car didn't last long.
It blew a gasket on a lovely green, horse-filled hill between Gainesville and Lake Butler.
Sarah and George were my passengers. We were returning home from Christmas shopping.
Fa La La La La La La La.

Next car in line, a little used Mazda.
From my father, as a freshman, to commute to the University of Florida.
Alas, I wasn't serious-minded enough (yet) for college.
And unfortunately, the Mazda leaked streaks and quart after quart of oil back and forth.

Next up, a series of used little beaters.
Threadbare tires. Squeaky brakes.
Spilled milkshakes that glue hair and grime to the seats and windows.
Cars that appealed to me because they were cheap
and tied in to some crazy death-wish that ruled my 20's.
One dented blue vessel that went sailing across icy Minneapolis streets, no snowtires.
One egg-shaped car that haunted late-night dives throughout grad-school in Tallahassee.
Can't remember which car I was in, listening to R.E.M.,
when I had a sudden urge to drive right off a bridge.
Not that R.E.M. was feeding a suicidal tendancy, I was mostly just bored and melancholic,
had no direction, and desperately wanted something, something, anything to happen in my life.
And I imagined that the car would just float down the river,
bobbing up and down like a shiny piece of tackle.

But when I became pregnant with Noah, I insisted that everything be safe and clean, including my car.
(I shuttered to think that I could be stranded on the interstate
in the middle of nowhere with a wailing infant in a broken-down old beater,
raditor a sprayin', hazard lights a flashin,' smoke a trailin' up towards heaven).
I assumed that the only responsible thing to do
would be to shell out a ton of cash (every month) on a new, reliable vehicle.
Here enters my current Mom-mobile. Devoid of personality.
Invulnerable to the world. A protective bubble sealing me and my family in snug and tight.
Of course, the feeling of invulnerablity is an illusion. Even though I feel in control behind the wheel, I'm still relying on everyone else on the road to uphold their end of the social contract. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Sometimes people are idiotic, and sometimes people have accidents.
We all know the car-crash statistics.
My husband's father was killed in a car crash a few years ago.
No one really knows if the sun was in his eyes, or if he glanced down to turn up the radio.
But we know he ran a stop sign.
And kept running it until he collided with a car carrying a woman, 8 months pregnant.

I have been entertaining the idea of getting rid of my car altogether now that we have so many other options here in Takoma Park/DC. A bus, a train, a bike, my own two feet...can get me from Here to There as well.
However, I have been steadily bumping into my own limitations. For example, I've realized I'm not Superwoman, and as much as I like riding bikes, it's not possible (well, it's possible, just not probable)
to lug Noah and his little bike trailer up and down hills and through traffic.
To be completely honest, I do feel more vulnerable, less in control, when I'm not driving a car.
And that feeling is magnified, oh about one hundred quatrillion times when Noah is in tow.
But I also feel seperate from a certain reality, a certain truth, a new mindfulness that can be found by getting from Here to There another way. I'll share my thoughts and experiences with other transportations soon.

To be continued...

Everything is sparkly and new. Or unfamiliar and anxiety-producing.

2010-09-01T16:59:00.000-04:00

Finally decided I've had enough of just reading other people's blogs, lurking in the shadows. Time to dust this thing off and try it again...this dialogue with the universe that I call a blog.
We moved over the summer and are settling in (if that's even possible for a vagabond like me).
Takoma Park, MD met and exceeded many of my expectations, but of course, places are spaces full of people and people are full of contradictions. I bump into my own hypocrisy all the time.
One quality that attracted me to this area is that it's a progressive community of artists and activists, extremely diverse, and rich in culture.
Yet...yet...yet, what continues to divide people everywhere divides people here as well.
Money (or lack thereof). Race. Politics.
1) Money: There are home owners. And then there are the rest of us. It's ridiculously expensive to buy a teeny tiny home in this area. We will absolutely not be able to afford a home on Mr. Mad on a Gray Sea's professorial income alone. No big deal, right, I'll just go back to work next year when Noah starts kindergarten. But then, what about our hopes for another child? And when will I ever get out from under my gigantic, stupendous student loan debt? We will remain apartment dwellers for now, biding our time, trying to figure out where to fit and how to structure our lives.
2) Race: Beautifully gorgeous diverse people. Language barriers. Cultural barriers. Practically segregated neighborhoods. Corridors of crime. The aforementioned homeowners, predominantly white, drive their suv's to some important DC job while herds of ethnic nannies push white privileged wiggly babes in their designer strollers.
3) Politics: While it warms my little liberal heart to see so many Obama bumper stickers, Takoma Park certainly exposes the conflicts within the liberal community. The desire to help the poor or racial other(or to even equalize the playing field) doesn't seem quite in balance with the excessively large homes and perfectly manicured landscapes and waste and consumerism and snobbery and disregard for the environment.

Of course, I am harping on the negative aspects of an awesome place. It is awesome here.
There are activists and artists pushing for change and educating each other.
One example: a group of elementary school kids have been protesting the use of styrofoam plates used for their school lunches. Toxic styrofoam, non-recyclable styrofoam, everyday adding to landfills.
The kids would gulp down their (surely over-processed, not Jamie Oliver approved) chow and think about how their plates are polluting the world. So the kids suggested that the school go back to ye old-fashioned, non-disposable plates of yore. Oh but, the school board(?) refused because they didn't want to hire a dishwasher. Anyways, here we have it- the illogical short-sightedness of bureacrats up against (extremely) youthful, wide-eyed idealism...welcome to Takoma Park.
More to follow from the trenches of a liberal paradise (note the sarcasm and bitterness).
Oh yeah, I landed an internship with GREENPEACE!

On Popsicles and Swings

2010-06-24T09:39:00.000-04:00

Noah has finally figured out how to SWING...all by himself...on a big boy swing.
Here he is swinging and enjoying a popsicle at the same time.
Oh Summertime!

Almost Farewell to Salt City

2010-06-16T18:22:00.001-04:00

It's been a busy time for The LeBlanc's.
We are winding up our stay in Syracuse. We've been here for almost 3 years now. At this point in our relationship with a particular locale, we're finally acclimated, we've learned our way around, enjoy the familiar faces and places, have fond memories and friends, know what to expect of a place, know where the potholes are and how to avoid them.
Now we are packing up and saying our goodbyes. It's a bit melancholic, but totally liberating.
In a way, a burden is lifted. No more investments need to be made. We are slowly working our way free.

Last Tuesday, I worked my final shift at the co-op...
all these adorable children, smiling and sticky,
seesaws and races, duck duck goose,
Noah's first experiences having friends and teachers.

Thursday night, Clark's Ale House with the book club...
beautiful, strong women who open their minds to each other and to the ideas in books they read.
Letting themselves grow...all on journeys...
bracing for inevitable changes to selves, children, life.

On Friday, Michael, Noah, and I visited some fave spots in the Westcott area.
Las Delicias' black beans, slow slow slow roasted chicken, salsa music making my heart sing. All three of us can't help but wiggle-dance in our chairs and hum along to the sounds of Spain and the Carribean.
We had a cup o' joe at Recess and peeked at the community garden across the street.

Saturday, another trip to the Farmer's Market...a few raindrops, bumping into Tara and Aaron...the smell of tomatoes and strawberries and peppers, fried dough rolled in sugar. I will miss the CNY farmers and cheesemakers that have been feeding us their wonderful labors of love. Truly divine lunch from Laos Village. Mmmm- Curry Puffs.

Saturday night, I laughed and laughed at (fellow blogger and fellow co-op mommy) Aubry's performance in the Scream Queens. Sexy, funny, silly! Came home that night and told Michael that I really really really want to get back into theater...earlier that day I had told him that I really really really want to get back into singing after listening to my beloved Pasty Cline...and I've been telling him often that I really really really want to go salsa dancing again. Life is too short, and OH HOW I CRAVE FUN!!
Sunday, we went to Patti's to celebrate Mark's 3rd birthday. So sweet, he could pick one kid to celebrate his birthday with pizza and orange frosted cupcakes, and he chose Noah. I got the extreme privelege of cuddling the newborn, Miles. Awww! So precious!
I've gotten a little more serious about packing this week. No more socializing. Wrapping up each individual dish and trinket is a pain in the tookus. Wouldn't you agree?
Almost farewell to Salt City. 13 days and nights remain.
All of the lovely lovely people I've met here alter me, become a piece of me that I will carry around like a phantom limb.
We are pushing our way out of the Syracuse cocoon-state, and who knows what strange creature will emerge once we reach our new digs in Takoma Park and begin this unknown phase of our lives.

Batter My Heart...and then WHAT?!!

2010-06-10T11:40:00.000-04:00

I've been watching some thought-provoking films lately:

The Cove
Food Inc.
Dark Days
The Gleaners and I
The Road
Precious

I recommend these if you do, indeed, want your heart battered. When I say 'battered,' I'm referring to violent blows dealt to your vulnerable spots ...not 'battered and deep-fried'.

It's enough to lose faith in humanity.
Hard to be hopeful when there is so much grim and grime and cold-heartedness, ignorance and greed.

From my film list, you might think that I don't know how to have any fun. But don't worry about me. I have enough selfish pleasure in my life- time and laughter with Michael and Noah, delicious food and drink, zumba and salsa dancing, watching birds and flowers, music and art, and the sweet nectar of poetry.
But life, for me, isn't just about how to enjoy. Even though we are constantly given the imperative from all directions to ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY!

What do I do with this bombardment of sorrow, this frustration, the feeling that I'm one little person without power to change anything unjust?
I vote. I donate. I make educated choices about what I purchase and consume. I sign petitions. I am kind to people around me. I listen.
But I continue to feel a restlessness, a call to action, a strong desire to do more. I've always been uncomfortable on the sidelines. Do I just put my hands in my pockets? Do I just stare at the players and their passions? I abhor feeling useless.

Do you ever feel this way? What do you DO when the gray sea's waves crash and thunder and beat you down? And I really mean what ACTIONS do you take when you are moved to act? Not prayer, not optimism, ACTION....
How do you channel that restless, frustrated energy?

Just now, John Donne's Batter My Heart came to mind:

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town to'another due,
Labor to'admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly'I love you, and would be lov'd fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me,'untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you'enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

So my question persists...once your heart has been battered, ravished, burned (by a God, or by whatever Unspeakable Truth speaks to you through great Literature, Film, Art)...
How do you live a life broken open? What do you DO?
Teach me. I'm learning as I go.

She's not sleezy! A DIY Bike Project Update.

2010-06-10T10:39:00.001-04:00

A mentioned that I was embarking on yet another DIY project a few posts ago. I'm referring to the still unnamed bicyletta that I found all banged up with a floozy-looking day-glo orange paint job.
She just needed a little love and a makeover. I've been working my magic on the old gal, and I'm happy to report- there's progress!
Here's a before shot:
Well, it's actually AFTER I removed and repaired the funky back tire.
Yep, that's right, call on me for all your bicycle repair needs!
I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR!
So this shot is before the paint job:

She's a little bright. In fact, this picture doesn't accurately show how she glows and makes everyone stare and gawk. And when I'm riding a bike down the street, the last thing I need is for everyone to stare. My big booty already attracts enough attention. So I have been painting the old gal. I happened to have some wine colored spray paint in the tool shed. She has a layer of "Claret" and she is suddenly a bit more classy. Pictures to follow!

I'll add a wicker basket for trips to the Farmer's Market in Takoma Park.

I do wonder how I will get Noah from here to there with me. He weighs in around 40 lbs, which is the weight limit for those kid seats that attach to the back of the bike. Maybe I'll check into one of those trailers? Is that like becoming a rickshaw driver? Or maybe soon he'll be ready for a big boy bike?

My new, much more elegant transportation still needs a name. I'm considering these possibilities:

Flannery

Alice

Georgette

Wildness, Freshness, and other Culinary Adventures

2010-05-20T12:32:00.000-04:00

I'm reading and adventuring, so that you don't have to. You can just read about my experiments and then decide whether you want to embark on similar ventures. It's a service I'm offering you. Really. It's kind of like Fear Factor. Dare me! I'll try it! I have no fear.
Unlike Fear Factor, however, I haven't been drinking rancid meat cocktails or diving into piranah invested waters. Instead, I've been trying out new stuff in the kitchen. Culinary adventures.
Here's an update of sorts:

Since I started making my own yogurt, I've been looking for something to do with all of the leftover WHEY. Homeade yogurt is a bit runnier than store-bought, so I like to strain my runny yogurt, which results in the awesomest, thick, rich, Greek-style yogurt. You can make your own Greek-style yogurt or even yogurt cheese by just plopping it in a strainer lined with coffee filters. A bowl underneath catches all the whey as it drips out. The longer you leave it straining, the thicker the yogurt gets until- VOILA- you have CHEESE!

Anyways, I think it's a shame to just toss the remaining whey puddle. So I checked out a few books on Lacto-fermentation. That's where you use whey to ferment food- change it radically- and wonderfully.

Just think of all you love that relies on fermentation: WINE, BEER, CHEESE, BREAD!!!! But I wasn't familiar with Lacto-fermentation, so I decided to get me some edumacationz on the subject. If you're interested, check these books out (or don't, because I already did it for you, remember!):

Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon. This book really opened my eyes. It's partially a very thorough textbook on nutrition, at times delving into biology. It's also a cookbook, with simple recipes on making your own mayonnaise and salad dressing, to more advanced stuff like pickling (with WHEY!). In the picture above, you can see jars of my own Lacto-fermented cukes and carrots. I'd like to report that they are as delicious as they look. But that'd be a bald-faced lie. Sadly, these were not what I'd hoped for. But I'll totally try, try again. The subtitle of Fallon's book is, The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats. So it's partially a critique of low-fat, low-carb, vegetarian, and vegan diet know-it-alls. But honestly, I found Sally's tone to be a bit preachy and dictocratic herself. It bugs me when people speak with such aggressive certitude. But, le sigh, we all have our flaws, ironies, contradictions... With that said, I'll probably still invest in a gently used copy of this book because it is so chock full of information. And she quotes the Little House books! I will have to do a seperate post on my undying love for all things Laura Ingalls Wilder. Love you, Half-pint! Blowing you kisses, Michael Landon!

Wild Fermentation by Sandor Ellix Katz was right up my alley! Katz, an HIV/AIDS survivor who lives in a commune in the woods, began healing himself by incorporating wildness (in the form of live-culture food) into his body. From his website he explains what is so wild about fermentation, "Wild fermentation is a way of incorporating the wild into your body, becoming one with the natural world. Wild foods, microbial cultures included, possess a great, unmediated life force, which can help us adapt to shifting conditions and lower our susceptibility to disease. These microorganisms are everywhere, and the techniques for fermenting with them are simple and flexible." There are recipes for saurkraut, kimchi, miso, tempeh, and plenty o' brews. A common theme between Wild Fermentation and Nourishing Traditions, is the connection to the past that we can rediscover through food by using these 'primitive' techniques. Nothing much more old-school than the slow-food movement.

Canning and Preserving with Ashley English. Beautiful book! I mean it. If you like looking at fantastically ripe, gorgeous, seasonal vegetables and fruit, this book could very well be your new porn. She seperates the book by seasons and encourages you to can and preserve according to what is currently in season in your area. She explains and illustrates canning techniques thoroughly for the newbie. She has basic recipes for pickling and such, but she goes way beyond with recipes for exotic chutneys, marmalades, and sauces. Lip-smacking! She also has a great blog, another book on keeping chickens, and one about tending bees coming out soon too. In other words, I want to be Ashley when I grow up. Don't be misled, Ashley doesn't do Lacto-fermentation.

For Mother's Day, it snowed here in Syracuse. All. Day. Long. But on the bright side, my dear husband gifted me two wonderful books. Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day by Zoe Francois and Jeff Hertzberg, which I've previously mentioned on this here blog. And Home Cheese Making by Ricki Carroll (this is the Bible for cheese makers!). Needless to say, I'll be busy in the kitchen.

Should it stay or should it go now...

2010-05-03T00:48:00.004-04:00

I've been going through the attic, basement, and shed trying to determine what to bring with us on our move.
We'll be renting an apartment in Takoma Park, MD for the first year there. The apartment is within walking distance to Michael's college, which is fabulous since Michael will not have to commute (which is a big pain in the boot-ay and the tookus -both- if your in the DC area). We'll finally be able to take advantage of public transportation since we'll be a 10 minute walk away from the Metro station. Noah and I can hop on the train and within a few minutes arrive at the National Zoo (PANDAS!), or the Lincoln Memorial, or the Smithsonian, or the White House. I'm so excited that we'll be able to reduce our carbon footprint by living a more urban existence.
However, some of the good life we're enjoying here in Syracuse must be sacrificed.
Space will be limited. Even though the house we're living in was most surely built for hobbits or dwarves, it still has more space than our Takoma Park apartment will have. So I am trying to decide what is essential, and it is challenging- not because I'm some sicko hoarder- but because I'm such a nostalgic sap. Is there a difference? I hope so!

The attic is full of boxes of books. I open a box and find old friends waiting for me to pick them up again, authors from pre and post-high school, early loves of mine: J.D. Salinger, Kurt Vonnegut, Tom Robbins, David Gerrold, and oh yeah, Piers Anthony! Needless to say, I can't say goodbye. They will join us to yet another home not quite big enough for all our books. What will I do with them all? Line every wall with bookshelves bursting full? Probably.

The basement is mostly full of TOYS. Goodness gracious. Noah is only 4. Where did all this primary-colored plastic, made-in-china junk come from? Note to any family members reading this blog: please no more toys...get the boy a membership at the zoo, science museum, or gift him with YOUR PRESENCE!
Noah and I were poking around in the basement yesterday, choosing the destiny of these toys- yard sale, goodwill, or moving to DC. It was pretty sad. Noah only wanted his play doh really, but I talked him into a few other things. I must admit I got a bit teary-eyed when Noah said he didn't want his Little People anymore. Not the Noah's Ark with all the animals that mom so loves to play with? Nope. Not the School Bus with the disabled girl wearing glasses? Nope. Nope. Nope. Apparently the Little People stuff is for babies, and I have a big boy on my hands.

The shed. Oh man. I have to leave much of that to Michael to sort through. When his father died, Michael adopted all of his father's tools, 2 shop vacs, a generator, ladders, work benches, tents and camping supplies, hammocks, bocce ball set, cross country skis, etc, etc, I could honestly go on and on...
There's no way we can take it all with us. Do we really need some of this stuff? But it is painful to let things go when they remind you of someone you love who you'll never see again.

Plundering through the shed, I spied a bright neon pinkish-orangeish ladies bicycle. One of those beach cruisers. It was Michael's mom's, but I can't imagine her ever ever being seen with it, much less riding it!
I've been wanting another bike ever since mine was stolen in Gainesville at the apartments across the street form Denny's. Well, here's a bike. It's back wheel is twisted and it looks like the worst of Daytona Beach- all drunk and begging for attention. I'm going to fix her up and spray paint her...
Maybe I can transform her somehow into the Trek Atwood (seen in all her glory directly below).
I have a sneaking suspicion that the Atwood is named after one of my favorite authors.
I'll definitely give ol' Daytona Girl a new name after her makeover. The Delillo? The Kingsolver? The Neruda? Billy Collins?

Atwood WSD | Bike Path | Trek WSD Bikes

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Saturday on Dagobah

2010-04-28T00:09:00.010-04:00

Although wet snow was whipping all around us today, believe it or not, it is Spring here in Syracuse.
Saturday was lovely- in the 60's, sunny.
Our plan was to spend the gorgeous day on a canoe at the Beaver Lake Nature Center.
But our plans often go awry. And that, my friends, is LIFE!
Fed up with consumerism over the holidays, I gave my husband some 'experiential' gifts for Christmas- gift certificates for snowshoeing and canoeing at Beaver Lake. Unfortunately, when we arrived during the long snowy winter to snowshoe, we were told that there wasn't enough snow on the ground for snowshoeing (we did, however, enjoy an enchanting hike through the snow, see photos here)!
Then, this Saturday when we arrived to canoe, we were told that the canoes are not being rented yet due to geese hanging out on the lake and the water being too cold- in case you fall in!
So again, Merry Christmas, Michael! I guess we can just say that his present was a donation to the Beaver Lake Nature Center, a worthy charity indeed.
Even though our best laid plans often crumble, we can still find beauty and joy in the experiences we are graced with. Such was the case for The LeBlanc's on Saturday.
The first thing Noah wanted to do was check on the frogs. We were all curious to see if they had sprung back to life like all the emerging flora. Noah, with his young, strong eyes, spotted this one right away.

Polliwogs wiggled around,
spiders skated on the water's tension, and salamanders sunned.
We followed the Lake Loop trail which led us under an already lush canopy of stately pine and pale birch that wraps around Beaver Lake.

It was forest and swamp mixed together.
We could smell the lake and hear it lapping the shore.
At one point we noticed a sign stating that the trail would last at least another hour, and that if it was close to dusk, then you should turn back now.
It was early. We kept on truckin'.

The geek in me imagined I was
on the Star Wars planet Dagobah.
But witness any Jedi-in-training
standing upside down in the swamp, we did not.

Noah and Michael
on Dagobah's main thoroughfare.

I am a huge fan of Fiddlehead Ferns
curling into themselves.
And pairs of ducks paddling.

Fiddlehead groups,
clusters, clumps.

There were wild violets blooming
and wild roses soon to bloom.
It will be a very fragrant trail come summer.

Noah and Michael played a game of calling to the crows, "Caw, caw," and laughing heartily at their response.

We came to rest
on a swing together and soaked in the last of the day's sweet goodness.
Overall, a grand day, immune to all our schemes.

A Prayer

2010-04-19T15:49:00.000-04:00

A Prayer

Mary and Grace are in my hands
my companions, though, I'd have gladly
chosen you

and look, here you are,
and I am trapped in this one-sided
conversation

where words are spilled
and left to dry out
and wither on the table

without reciprocity
turn away
and ask again

no response
and after all
still no response

How to move
a ghost or blackbird?
I listen for clues in the silence between pages.

Farewell to The Syracuse Daffodils

2010-04-13T12:53:00.000-04:00

Our last spring with the Syracuse Daffodils.

The Syracuse Daffodils. Wouldn't that be a cute name for a little all-girl, retro, lounge singer band?

They would have to wear yellow dresses and strappy heels, fresh pink lips, dewy skin, and upswept do's.

Singing "Try a Little Tenderness," "I'm Sticking With You," and "I'll Fly Away."

After being on the market for less than a week, an offer was made for our house (which is really my mother-in-law's house). This is wonderful news. I was stressing out big time, frantically trying to keep the house presentable for prospective buyers to drop by and peek at. I don't want to jinx us, since nothing is final yet, but it looks like I can start focusing my energy on Decluttering and Packing.

These have all been nibbled up by the Easter Bunny and his crew by now.

The peeps are long gone.

Someone else will have to enjoy the Forsythia next year.

And these.

I hope the new owners take good care of the Lilies...when they finally pop up again.

And the lovely Iris, Phlox, Foxgloves, and Bee Balm.

Very Miscellany: Guilt, Babies, and Makeup

2010-04-13T12:28:00.000-04:00

Miscellaneous- consisting of a haphazard assortment of different kinds, dealing with or interested in diverse subjects....

First, the subject of Guilt. I could devote an entire series of posts to this subject, being that I grew up Baptist- which soaked me in the warm southern summer sunbath of guilt like a potent sun tea, steeping, steeping. Yum, tea. Plus, I simultaneously assume responsibility for things beyond my control, while at the same time wash my hands of everything while muttering a crazy, breathless, Serenity Prayer.
Current Guilt: I'm an awful friend. In fact, I'm practically a foe. My pal, Mary, from MN, who is pregnant with twin girls, has called me several times within the past few weeks. I haven't called her back. Sure, I've been busy (trying to sell our house, plan our move, etc.), and I have diagnosed myself with Pollen Poisoning- which has caused me to crave nothing but sleep and clear nasal passages. But really, these are just excuses. I don't really dig the phone. I'm a 'listener', and often people take liberties with that and babble on and on and fail to breath or ask me how I'm doing. I may adore that particular person (and I'm not referring to Mary), but I don't like to devote much more of my time than necessary to someone's rambling smalltalk. That's what blogs are for! So, I'm a selfish friend. I would much rather spend some time with a pal, maybe enjoying a great dinner, taking a hike together, making toasts and listening to music, or chatting over coffee. But on the phone, I have Noah or Michael tugging at me (usually the friend on the other end of the line has a little one tugging away too), and I'm distracted. And I'm a visual person, I want to see your face, your smile, your eyebrows raised in exclamation. I'm an awful phone friend. But I will call Mary as soon as I finish this post.

Second, babies. I am still not pregnant! There is a sea of bulging bellies all around. But, nope, not mine...well, it bulges slightly, but for all the wrong reasons. By the time I get pregnant again, all the awesome baby names will be taken. Dear Danielle, from co-op and bookclub, bestowed upon her newest addition, the magnificent name of Desmond. I swoon over that name! Thanks, LOST. And Michael, with every intention to make me feel better about not being pregnant yet, says that it's pretty much all in my head, that when I stop wanting it so much, when I feel more secure (ie, after we have moved and settled in our new home turf)...then that is when I will miraculously release that destined fertile egg. He's probably very very right. He means so well, but that all translates to: Madona, you're crazy, once you stop being so crazy, you'll get pregnant.
Well, Patti has loaned me her Fertility God, which she claims worked for her. So, cross your fingers, say your prayers, send electronic fairy dust, whatever it is you do, and let's get me preggers, people!

Third, makeup. I don't know how aware you are of the Crunchy Chicken. Well, she is one extraordinary blogger, who irreverently puts the 'mental' in 'environmental'. I'm a loyal reader and Diva Cup convert (too much info, I know). Anywho...she has fantastic giveaways, and she so kindly selected lil' ol' ME as a winner of her Gabriel Cosmetics giveaway. Yep, she mailed me $50 worth of makeup. Now I am not rubbing poison into my eyes or swallowing lead from my lipstick. I'm very very grateful.
So this brings me full circle to that ever-present Gulit I mentioned earlier. I feel indebted to Crunchy now. I feel guilty that I don't deserve to be a winner! How can I ever repay the Chicken?! I hope she never becomes my friend and expects me to actually call her. On. The. Phone. I would be totally and completely paralyzed by my guilt.

The Challenge of Faith and The Nature of Mad on a Gray Sea

2010-04-13T11:16:00.000-04:00

My blog has been a lonely ghost town, tumbleweeds knocking around in the vacuum created by absence.
I am one of those erratic bloggers (and definetely NOT a Blogger with a capital "B"), not consistent, posting randomly about randomness, without much focus. Informative or merely decorative? Attempts of humor or attempts to be taken seriously? Whatever strikes my fancy. I tell myself that this is why I only have 13 followers (auspicious number, indeed). If you are one of The 13, you have acquired a strange taste, dears, you are the underground, sub-sub-sub-culture, punk-rock before there was a glimmer in Iggy Pop's eye, or maybe you're an anti-anti-anti-punk. I don't know, you should examine that yourself.

But really, I would hate it if this blog were more popular...I don't want the responsibility! Better cap my followers at 13. ; )
And sigh...here we go: Guess what, these traits are not confined to my attentions to this here blog, wish I could say so. But no, if I take an honest look, these seep into all I touch. I have trouble choosing one path to follow. Which is why I never imagined myself married, and why I am a Unitarian Universalist. This is why I pursue something with tenacity, only to toss it aside in the morning.
And wo! To anyone who tries to impose their ideas of discipline and righteousness upon me! I rebel like I were Lucifer herself. I shut down, won't listen, and have to figure it all out by myself. Silly me.

And then to contradict my seemingly fierce independence and flippance, I often cower and follow like all the rest of the gentle lambs. So sweet. Don't you just want to pat my little pointed head?
Seems to me, in order to have disipline, I would need to have faith. And in order to have faith, I would have to kill all of the other beautiful possibilities. That makes me so sad. All of my weeping, wailing, dying fantasias.

I would like to know how you people do it. How do you structure discipline in your life? How do you reconcile your contradictions? Did you have a moment where you looked around and noticed that you were on the exact right path for yourself? Or do you have trouble, like me, drawing a line between the light and dark when the world is so full of gray? Thoughts, anyone?

On the road again, U-haul, and a Birthday

2010-03-25T11:42:00.000-04:00

We stuffed the car with birthday presents and luggage and zoomed off to explore the DC area, and to wrap our minds around yet another
Big Daunting Move.
Moving is usually rather traumatic for me.
A snip snipping of ties, a fare thee well to new friends, favorite restaurants, local libraries and parks, a tree we planted, a front porch, a hammock, ghosts of our younger selves that we leave behind.
For a year or so after we moved to NY from CA, Michael and I would cringe and shudder every time we saw a U-haul- I would actually feel nauseous- our moving experience was that awful. We broke down in the hot summer desert...us, our baby, two cats, and all our worldy possessions melting beside the road. This was in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone coverage. We hitched a ride with a kindly trucker. Instead of U-haul repairing our blown tire, they sent another U-haul over a day later. Poor Michael had to unpack the first one and repack in crazy Tetris Master style in 100 degree + stifling heat. Meanwhile, the cats are a'yowling and Noah's a'crying and we're all stuck in a flea-bitten motel room watching the weather channel. And we were traveling with the grief of Michael's father's death, which had just occurred two months prior.
Yep, U-haul evokes a deep nasty sorrow.
Anyhooo- this move is different. Michael has a sweet absent-minded professor job lined up. We're looking forward to living in a more diverse urban area so close to DC, and all the opportunity that brings. We will be situated between my family and friends in FL, and Michael's family in NY. It seems like a good fit for us.
But it's still a leap into the unknown. And I have to summon my strength to surrender control, to let go.
Who knows what paths we'll travel, who we'll meet and befriend, what we'll learn, and how we'll grow?
In fact, we are all transient in life, just passing through.

Oh yeah, so we had Noah's 4th birthday On the Road, and he really loved being stuck in the car with his mom and dad and nana. He really did. He chatted and chatted and sang and laughed and found pleasure in the smallest of things; the hotel elevator, a bridge we drove over, spotted cows in a field, sun peeking through the murky clouds. So lucky he's here to remind us of the important things in life.
Here Noah stands with the awesome Marble Run he constructed in our hotel room. He holds up his fingers and says, "I'm 4 now!"

Artisan Bread

2010-03-21T13:39:00.002-04:00

I haven't tasted these yet. But I like their looks.

Their exteriors are delightfully crispy and crackalacking.

Their interiors are supposed to have a custardy crumb.

I checked out this book from the library,

Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day,

borrowed a baking stone from my mother-in-law,

and tried out the authors 'master recipe.'

I'll sample these, gladly, and let you know my results.

I just wish I still had some Nutella to slather on these babies.

If Only

2010-03-04T17:23:00.000-05:00

Another poem from today. Just a rough draft.
All of my poems are rough rough rough drafts.

If Only

If only, if only you could tell me
Bluntly, the way I don’t fit
Why the knobby imperfection
Has grown around that hole

Remove the splinter now
That it’s firmly wedged
Now that I’ve spent so long
Polishing this great flaw

Turning it over and over
Searching for significance
Why a fragment, rejection
This path instead of that

A restless, painful curiosity
Magnified by time
And the mind’s trick
Of projecting beauty onto loss

If only, if only I could build a bridge
Gnarled wood for you to burn to the ground
The crackling dissonance
Could maybe loosen your hold on me

Mr. Carrot, the Herald of Spring

2010-03-04T17:01:00.000-05:00

I had to pull my car over today and pen a short poem.
I had just driven by an obscene snowman. He had a huge carrot erection.
After the initial blushing, I felt a bit angry that someone had
perverted the sweet, innocent, familial pleasure of snowmen.
It was almost blasphemous.
Then my anger turned into sadness.
Sadness for the loss of innocence in general.
Finally, though, after imagining that it was
probably the prank of teenaged kids,
all hormones, pimples, and awkwardness, I was able to laugh
at this lusty snowman,
and look at him as the
Herald of Spring!

Carrot

Spring, I reckon, is around the bend
Teenaged, neighborhood boys

Have plucked the Snowman’s
Innocent carrot nose
And arranged it, suggestively,
On the Snowman’s lower half.

The snow will melt soon
And all that will remain, besides puddles,
will be the carrot’s bawdy
salute to procreation.

Keep raging on
Youth and Humor and Hormones

And with the green breath of another dawn,
Help us forget the hollow raggedness,
The death of winter,
The crushing ache of a long, memory-filled night.

Class, Race, Gender, Werewolves, and Gynecology

2010-03-02T11:37:00.000-05:00

Arriving in the mailbox a few days ago was just another thing to add to the list of
"Creepy Things I Never Wished to Hear/Read."
It was a reminder letter from my OB/Gyn.
It stated that the office was "really looking forward to my upcoming visit."
Really?
As if ever since I made the appointment, the friendly Doctors and Nurses of the Nether Regions have been in a state of restless anticipaction and excitement about the viewing and groping
of MY nee nees and naa naas. Yikes. Much clenching ensued.

So it was with great trepidation that I arrived at the Ob/Gyn yesterday.
It has been 3 years or so since my last breast exam, pelvic exam, and pap smear...Triple Threat.
And it was the first such visit in the fair city of Syracuse.
And the first time using our new insurance from Michael's employment at SUNY Oswego.
I think all of the paperwork and questioning of my medical past is a close relative
to the legs up in the stirrup experience. Just as Bare All.
I guess I don't understand why the doctor needs to know how many sexual partners
I've had in my lifetime. That's really personal. Is it medical?
If so, why not also ask how many people I've kissed, held hands with...
also communicable activities.
And may I ask how many nee nees and naa naas you've examined, dear doc?
Do MEN ever have to answer that question at the doctor's office?
Are they patted on the back when they give their answer?

Funny to me also (or maybe very sad), a nurse spoke to me in a quiet, conspiratorial tone
about how this particular medical center serves more of the 'medicaid crowd,'
and how I would want to find another Ob/gyn in the suburbs for when/if I become pregnant again.
Of course, she would have no clue about my background of economic disadvantage,
that I'm a child of the 'medicaid crowd.'
I know she was trying to be helpful, but I wish I would have spoken up and let her know
that the 'medicaid crowd' is more diverse and complex than she realizes,
and that we all deserve quaility, caring Ob/Gyns regardless of the color of our skin.
But instead, I was shocked into silence.
And honestly, more than a small part of me was relieved that I 'passsed' as middle class.

The Triple Threat (exam, exam, smear), is never very pleasurable.
However, out of an excess of nervous energy,
yesterday I discovered a strategy to help.
Humor! Grin and bear it, while baring it.
It may not work for you.
Maybe you prefer prayer in situations of discomfort and humiliation.
But for me, joking around in a self-deprecating manner about my bodily flaws, aging, (and even laughing at my fears!) saw me through it to the end.

By the way, my doctor said it's perfectly normal that
I have a single, weird, bristly, black, werewolf hair that sprouts
from my neck once every full moon.
Nothing strange about that at all, apparently.

Snow Days and Ways

2010-03-01T00:12:00.000-05:00

The three of us were snowed in on Thursday.
Michael and I shoveled and shoveled. And shoveled some more.
We have a very unfortunate driveway.
It slopes steeply down from the road towards our house.
As if our little dwarfish house were built inside a hole.
Even if there's just a small bit of snow or ice, we have to shovel
or we can't get out of the drive.
On the other hand, this steeply sloping drive makes a nice sledding hill
for 3-year-olds like Noah, and chickens like me.

And even though we received a ton more (about a foot)
of the white stuff by Friday morn,
Michael's classes were not canceled.
So, at 7am Michael and I descended upon our drive
like heavy-duty snow-removing professionals.
I really have mastered a certain technique.
Rhythm is everything. Well, rhythm, warm gloves and boots.
Anyways, we managed to dig his car out
in the nick of time so that he could stand before
a bunch of surly students
(who were also disappointed that they weren't enjoying a snow day)
and lecture on Dante's Inferno. Snowy day in Hell?

Meanwhile, Noah and I have been playing a new game
called "Pretend Sleep".
For "Pretend Sleep," Noah gets to pretend he's the parent
tucking me- the child- into bed.
This is a pretty good deal for me since I get to lay around
and pretend to sleep and be generally lazy.
But lately, Noah has been pretending to be a mean parent.
On Friday he told me,
"Hush your little mouth, close your little eyes, and cover up your teeny tiny head! Go to sleep, mama!"
I can assure you, he did not learn that kind of parenting from me.

Make Yogurt Yourself

2010-02-24T08:03:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in my last post that I made the yogurt that I used for Noah's delicious smoothie.
Yogurt making is just another one of those adventures that I've just discovered. I am a total novice.
I've only made 3 batches so far. But I love it! It's easy. It's frugal. And I know what's in there. Plus, I can feel the satisfaction of doing it myself. Really, acquiring new skills like that is very empowering.

If you would like to try your hand at making your own yogurt, you can google 'make your own yogurt,' which is what I did. Or you can use the site I used. The only equipment that I had to invest in was a candy thermometer...which I found for about 4 bucks at the farmer's market/flea market. You'll need a heating pad or hot plate to keep the yogurt warm. But I have seen recipes for slow cooker yogurt, so look around and find instructions appropriate to you.

I make plain non-fat yogurt and use it in smoothies, parfaits, mix it in biscuit batter, enjoy it as a sauce with falafel, etc. Be aware, homeade yogurt tends to be of a runnier consistency. Yogurt companies add pectin to thicken it. And because my yogurt is a bit runnier than what Noah is used to, he won't eat it! But he will drink it in a smoothie without complaint.
There are also tons of recipes for flavored yogurt out there too. In fact, The Crunchy Chicken has a Coffee Yogurt recipe that I am excited to try...if I can ever find it in the archives of her blog.
Like I said before, I'm a yogurt-making novice. If you have any tips, suggestions, recipes, yogurt tales...
I'd love to hear them!

Meatless Monday: Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

2010-02-22T16:45:00.002-05:00

For those not in the loop, Meatless Monday is a movement that encourages
people to give up meat once a week to 'promote personal health and the health of the planet'.
They have great recipes on their website and tons of information there too.

I go meatless pretty often.
For oh so many reasons:
1) My health- I just don't digest meat as well. I get all acid-refluxy and heart-burny. Especially if I eat fried meat. All those years of eating my grandma's southern fried chicken must have caught up with me.
Plus, while meat is high in protein, it is usually high in fat that I can do without (with the exception of seafood).
2) Animal Ethics- I don't like how the critters are treated in order for me to get a mass produced hamburger. It disturbs and saddens me. And I don't know what sort of hormones and crazy chemicals are in that there meat either.
3) Meat is expensive.
4) I enjoy so many other foods!

With that said, you should know that I am not a vegetarian. I do still eat meat ocassionally. But I try to give myself and my family satisfying and healthy alternatives.

I'm not posting a recipe for Meatless Monday today. I saw a delicious looking Cheese Souffle recipe that I'd love to try out. But, for now, I just wanted to show you Noah's lunch.

Well, obviously it was made with love, as you can plainly see by the heart-shaped sandwich.

But I'm particularly happy with this lunch because:

I made the bread myself...I know what he's eating...I know what's in that bread. (I have been so thrilled that I can make my own bread! I want to shout it from the rooftops!) Maybe I'll share my recipe soon...and some close-up bread pictures to make you ohhh and ahhh.

I made the Grape Jelly. You can read about that in my Food Waste post from a few days ago, and get the recipe and instructions from The Frugal Girl's blog.

The smoothie there on the upper left is made with yogurt that I made and blueberries we picked over the summer (oh, the summer seems like lifetimes ago!). Plus, I snuck in a handful of fresh spinach leaves into that smoothie. They disappear completely, and you can't taste it at all. However, if I use frozen spinach- I do notice a slight spinachy flavor- I recommend fresh spinach if you want to be super sneaky like me.

Of course, I didn't make the peanut butter or grow those baby carrots...but I could have. And I would've loved to have made that yogurt from the milk of my own cow...that I lovingly milked myself. Maybe one day...a girl can dream, can't she?

I Sewed an Apron...all by myself...but with help from many.

2010-02-22T15:50:00.001-05:00

I made this apron.

You may want to put on some sunglasses and earmuffs

because the apron is really pretty

BRIGHT and LOUD!

(And not the most flattering.)

But I like 'er.

I must give credit where credit is due:

Aunt Beth bestowed upon me an

awesome sewing machine

(which I had no idea how to even thread),

Michael presented to me a Sewing class

(so that I could learn which way was up and not injure myself),

the thrift store so wonderfully had a half off sale

and I purchased a strange and bold large scarf/small sheet for 25 cents,

and my friend, and fellow ~~Sewer~~ Seamstress (that's with a capital "S")

Patti, loaned me the apron pattern.

Voila!

Now, when I am fooling around in the kitchen making Apple Crisp (as pictured above) or whatnot,

I won't get the apple or crisp all over myself.

Next sewing project? Maybe some pajama bottoms for Noah and Michael?

Any suggestions? Tips?

Food Waste Saturday

2010-02-20T17:51:00.000-05:00

No waste this week! Oh yes, victory is mine...
Noah and I were a reclusive pair this week, didn't venture out much due to the drabnabbit snow. Plus, Noah had a little cough and runny nose. So, we were home playing card games, watching Alvin and the Chipmunks (the show- haven't seen the movie), and apparently eating up all our leftovers.
I almost let a jug of grape juice go to waste, but luckily I saw a post over at The Frugal Girl's blog on how to make Grape Jelly. Hooray! Grape Jelly! I made it today. It was easy peasy. I just keep my laptop right there on the kitchen counter and follow instructions. I love the internet.

Notice how the label says, "Madona's Pumpkin Butter"? That jar is from when I rescued my Halloween pumpkins from becoming food waste too. And that was some awesome stuff, if I do say so myself.

Have you signed up for Crunchy's Food Waste Reduction Challenge? Have you checked out how Kristen or Angela try to prevent food from being wasted in their homes?

Zoo Animals in the Cold

2010-02-16T17:21:00.004-05:00

Noah and I visited the Zoo today.
Even though it was snowing.
Or maybe because it was snowing.
Some animals were smartly hibernating or in a similar sleep state.
But some were much better suited for this weather than Noah and I.

Like these gorgeous little ponies.

A cute little fella here. I so wanted to comb his wooly hair.
But a nearby sign warned of biting dangers.

Below is a La Mancha Goat, which is unusual because of its small ears...like a human's ears.
According to wikipedia, "The LaMancha has excellent dairy temperament and is an all-around sturdy animal that can withstand a great deal of hardship and still produce."
This one stared at Noah and I without moving or blinking. Did not appear to be going through much of a hardship, except for a moderate Syracuse winter.

A Reindeer, or Caribou took a break from snacking to pose for this picture.

And then got back to business.

Swans, Ducks, Geese:

Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony.

One Lone Wolf

Making trails in the snow.

My little penguin is cold.

Time to retreat back to the human world of flannel blankets, steamy mugs, and central heat.

Food Waste Friday

2010-02-12T16:12:00.002-05:00

Kristen at The Frugal Girl photographs and reports what food she has wasted for the week in an effort to be more aware, and therefore reduce her food waste.
Also, Deanna at The Crunchy Chicken has dared her readers to participate in the Food Waste Reduction Challenge this month. And I have accepted the challenge.

I thought I was doing really well last week.
But this week...not so much...

Here is a photo of my food waste for the week:

What you see before you is about 1/4 of a Banana Cream Pie (with fresh blueberries and banana slices on top) and about 1/4 of a cup of Vegetarian Chili. Sigh.
The Banana Cream Pie was delicious. However, I didn't know that my husband didn't care for Banana Cream Pie in general until AFTER I had already made this beautiful pie. I love pie. All pie. Especially Chocolate Cream Pie or Pecan Pie. But I'm only one woman and just couldn't tackle the entire thing by my lonesome. I learned something new about my husband though- Banana Cream Pie- he's not a fan. So, I won't make it again, and therefore, I won't waste it again! And if we ever happen to find ourselves on the Newlywed Gameshow and there happens to be a question like- what pie does your husband hate- well, then we are totally winning that all expenses paid trip to Acapulco.
The Vegie Chili. We enjoyed it, froze some leftovers. But the little bit remaining was pushed far in the back of the fridge and forgotten. Next time, I'll just freeze all the leftovers.
This isn't too too horrible. But I didn't include food that my 3 yr old wasted. For example, I sent a handful of grapes in his lunch yesterday for co-op (preschool, sorta). He usually loves grapes. Yet, yesterday, his class had a little Valentine's Party and he filled up on rice crispy treats, cupcakes, and lolipops. By the time the grapes made it home, they were brown and mushy and Noah wouldn't touch them. They will be composted, but I would have rather they be eaten.
Do you monitor your food waste? Are you participating in the Crunchy Chicken challenge? Have you checked out The Frugal Girl's Food Waste Friday posts? How do you use it all up?
Happy weekend!

Thrift Store Loss and Gains

2010-02-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

I was in the thrift store on Friday, just poking around for a few minutes, when I spotted a fantastic sweater. It fit perfectly, was my signature color-BLACK, and in great condition.
The only problem was that it was priced $6.99. $6.99? That's pretty cheap, yes. But I'm not really in need of another sweater. How could I justify buying it? Why consume everything that I 'want'? That's when I happened to notice a flyer on the door that said the thrift store was having a Superbowl party on Sat. and Sun., in which everything in the store would be 44% off! Oh my, can you imagine? Sales at a thrift store! I think I heard choirs of angels singing.
So I hung my near perfect sweater back on the rack with plans to return and claim my treasure the next day.
I told myself that if I let the sweater go and it's still there...it's meant to be, and that I must purchase it.
I finally got around to returning to the store Sun., 15 minutes before the store closed.
Of course, you know how this story ends. I wouldn't be lucky enough for the perfect sweater to STILL be there! I snoozed, I loozed. : ( It wasn't meant to be. I hope that the new owner of that sweater appreciates her beauty and perfect-ness. Sigh. I'm over it already. Really.
On a happier note, I managed to snag: three colorful sheets (which will be used as fabric for some sewing projects...an apron, pajama bottoms), a small mirrored hat or scarf hanger, a cute pair of shoes for Noah, a lovely yellow and blue Sake bottle- or vase, and a reusable bag with Longfellow quotes.
The grand total spent: $3.34.

The mirror/scarf-hat-coat hanger needs to be cleaned up a bit. And I may paint it.

The multi-colored sheet/fabric says "I love you, I love your body." I think I'll make it into a fancy apron.

February is Food Waste Reduction Month

2010-02-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

I've been reading the Crunchy Chicken blog for a few months now, and I think Deanna is great. She challenges her readers to do all kinds of crazy stuff...the craziest being the Golden Showers garden parties...in which you use your pee to nourish your plants. I'm not kidding. She's done the research on this. There's also the Freeze Your Buns Off challenge...in which you turn the thermostat way down. She has a naughty sense of humor, but a serious focus on the environment. Read her blog!
Anyways, I've not summoned the courage to join one of her challenges until now.

February is Food Waste Reduction month, which is pretty self-explanatory-
reduce the amount of food you waste.
I can do that. In fact, I'm cheating a bit here because I've been trying to reduce my food waste already.
I also have to give credit to Kristen at The Frugal Girl blog for first making me think about my food waste as a financial issue. She takes pics of her wasted food and posts it on Fridays. Read her blog too!
Not only do I want to reduce my food waste for thrifty reasons, I also want to reduce food waste for environmental reasons. Here's where Crunchy enlightened me. A bunch of food waste (50% edible!) sits in landfills giving off methane like a motha. Also, when you throw away your food, you waste energy...all the energy that it took to grow, harvest, transport, package that food.
I never really thought of it that way.
With this in mind, here's an example of what I did this week to reduce my food waste:
On Monday, I cooked a delicious (if I do say so myself) Veggie Chili for Meatless Monday. I made much more than needed for me, my husband, and 3 yr old. I put half of the leftover chili in the freezer. On Tuesday, I made Spaghetti Marinara...and acrued more leftovers in the fridge. On Wednesday, I made pizza dough from scratch and we enjoyed homeade pizza. On Thursday, I assembled an awesome Chili Pasta dinner out of the leftover chili (Monday), pasta (Tuesday), and mozzerella (Wednesday). And I will easily find something to do with my leftover marinara sauce...maybe throw in a few meatballs and make meatball subs.
I will tackle fresh produce and other perishibles in another post. Perhaps I'll take some pics of my waste (a la The Frugal Girl) on the way out to the compost pile.
Anyone care to join me on this challenge? Anyone care to share creative ways that you reduce food waste? I'd love any help I can get!

Kreativ Blogger Awards

2010-02-03T16:00:00.000-05:00

I am honored that Catherine at The Vegan Good Life, (http://thevegangoodlife.blogspot.com/) has bestowed upon me a Kreativ Blogger Award! This is my first blog award, so it's pretty awesome to me. I don't blog with a particular focus, it's more of an ordinary rambling sort of cyber therapy, and a way to share photos and poems and projects and thoughts. I consider myself fortunate that anyone reads it at all...that means that I'm not alone...that there is some form of connection there. So to be recognized by a blogger I respect, in the company of other blogs that are meaningful, is a small victory to me.

The way it works, see, is I will now divulge 7 things about myself that you may not already be aware of, and then I'll pay it forward to 7 other creative bloggers.

7 things, without further ado:

1) I have trouble making up my mind with certitude on many issues. You may call that 'indecisive.' I consider it a positive trait- I am open to unfolding possibilities and ever-changing viewpoints. I do have some ground beneath my feet, however, but I'm willing to ponder whether that ground is solid or imaginary.

2) I had to look up the word 'certitude' just now, to make sure it exsists and that I spelled it correctly. And I'm not sure if I used it properly in that sentence anyway.

3) I am currently on a personal quest to try to keep my mind and spirit fresh and childlike. I challenge myself to learn new things, pick up skills, take myself out of my comfort zone, have adventures, experiment, and listen. Because I'm taking risks, it can be stressful and scary, and I often fail. But I'm enjoying the ride!

4) My son Noah (3), and I play Monster Games daily. They consist of me hiding behind a door or under the covers, and Noah stomping through the house chanting menacingly, "Fee fi fo fum...I smell the blood of an English mum!" When he finds me, I have to squeal and flee. Then he hides and I pretend that I don't know where he's hiding even though it's usually painfully obvious.

5) I'm very interested in homesteading, farming, becoming a pioneer lady. Yet, I am more drawn to the conveniences of urban life, the complexities of people, the rich diversity and cultural opportunities of the city.

6) I'm a Zumba-holic. Can't get enough of that booty-shaking and those life-affirming rhythms. In my mind, Zumba is gallantly fighting off the doldrums of an enduring winter.

7) I try very hard not to stalk my friends on Facebook...to no avail. I'm just so fascinated by people and this phenomenon of revealing bits and pieces, statuses, and I can't help but read between the lines and psychoanalyze everyone.

Now I pay it forward. Here are 7 blogs that I deem noteworthy.

1) The Crunchy Chicken at http://www.thecrunchychicken.com/ . Deanna puts the mental in environmental, for sure! And that results in irreverent greatness.

2) Jane, at Spain Daily, http://spaindaily.blogspot.com/ , inspires me with her photos and wit.

3) The lovely other-worldly-ness over at Isle Dance, http://isledance.blogspot.com/ .

4) Fantastic recipes by the Chubby Vegetarian, http://chubbyvegetarian.blogspot.com/ .

5) Ashley at Small Measure is awesome,
http://small-measure.blogspot.com/ .

6) The Frugal Girl, Kristen, http://www.thefrugalgirl.com/, has much wisdom.

7) Heather over at Dooce, makes me laugh so hard, I had to include her. http://www.dooce.com/ .

These blogs have a great number of followers already. That's because they are pretty darn cool, and if you haven't checked them out yet- YOU SHOULD! And tell them Mad on a Gray Sea sent you...and they will not have a clue what you're talking about!

No Snowshoe Rentals Today

2010-01-31T17:53:00.000-05:00

When we arrived at the Beaver Lake Nature Center today, we were greeted by a sign that read,
"No Snowshoe Rentals Today- not enough snow."
Well, excuse me, I beg to differ. But apparently, they only rent snowshoes when there's 10 inches or so
(Oh, silly us! We Floridians learn something new about this wonderland daily).
Still, Michael, Noah, and I made the best of a cold winter's afternoon by hiking the trails.
We were extremely bundled and waddled along as best we could.
The sun was bright.
The snow was a-sparklin'.
The tall tall trees creaked like a front porch rocking chair when the wind swept through.

I was looking for animal tracks, but mostly found cross-country ski lines cutting across the landscape.

But some creature ambled through here.

And some delicate beast intersected itself perhaps?

My husband left me a love letter in the snow.

These graceful ladies have learned to be flexible under the snow's burden.

Some wear wooly coats of crunchy moss and twig.

We take a short respite.

There's Beaver Lake- frozen- behind me.

Noah and Michael are looking tired and cold.

Time to head home for hot cocoa and a nap.

Snowshoe next time?

My little hankies

2010-01-24T17:45:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been trying to be more mindful about what I consume (purchase, eat, watch, read). When I notice that something I'm consuming doesn't match up with my values, I try to make small steps towards alignment. Sometimes, because of lack of resources or lack of imagination, I have to compromise my ideals a bit. Sometimes I'm lazy and change is too daunting. I have to remind myself that I'm still learning and growing and realizing who I want to be.
I decided a few months ago to stop buying paper towels. We use lovely cloth napkins now (which I purchased for mere pennies at the thrift store...and can now sew my own too), and I'm very pleased with them. I'm happy to not be contributing to the depletion of trees so that I can casually wipe my mouth and toss. Disposable bothers me. Occassionally, Michael and I will want to clean something with a paper towel, or cover food in the microwave, but we have learned alternatives to reaching for paper. This is a good thing in my mind. We are learning to challenge the way we've been doing things, and to think about how the small gestures we make affect others.
So I had another realization just last week: Good Lord! Look at all the tissues we use/dispose of!
With winter's presence comes constantly runny noses. Not from being sick even. Just coming in from the cold and drip drip drip. I read somewhere that each blow costs about $.20...(get your mind out of the gutter!). That's not incredibly expensive, but it adds up. Count how many noses are in your household, think of how many sneezes, blows are performed by each nose in any given allergy season. Go ahead and do the math. Math makes my head hurt. I didn't do the math since I was more concerned about the trees we were using to make those tissues to wipe our dear noses. But I get the impression that tissues aren't too frugal.
Whatever did people do before the onset of all of these disposable paper products?
They used HANDKERCHIEFS!
That's what they did...and if it was good enough for them, it's good enough for me.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find any hankies at the thrift store. In fact, I had trouble finding them new. Target had one package of six plain white men's handkerchiefs for about $5. Those are the kind that men tuck into their suits. Instead of purchasing them, I made my own dang hankies!
My first experimental handkies were made out of an old ill-fitting skirt that has been in my "donate" pile of clothes, but I've loved the pattern of the fabric so much that I couldn't give it up. So I cut it into 8 by 8 squares and sewed around the edges to prevent fraying. They are cute, and they work like a charm. I feel very Victorian and dainty using them.
Next, I used some fabric scraps that my Aunt Beth sent me to sew some adorable dinosaur and pumpkin patch print hankies for Noah.

Of course, handkerchiefs need to be washed, so there is energy and water and detergent used to clean them. And they will need to be washed fairly regularly to remain sanitary. I'll try the handkerchief method out an see if I notice it to be as much of a wasteful endeavor as tissues. I'll keep you posted with my discoveries.

I'd love to hear about your experiences trying out non-disposable items in your life...and how far you are willing to go...I can't fathom what to do about toliet paper!

Last Week's Icicles and a Naked Dream

2010-01-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

These icicles were hanging from the side of the house

last week.

Like a menacing NY version of Kudzu.

Sharp and angular.

I would hold my breath as I stepped past.

Being from FL,

and not accustomed

to extreme winter,

I can imagine all sorts of

icicle-impaling horrific accidents.

They were all pointy and fierce-looking.

But the sun peeked out and they began

to melt and break.

They would fall in clumps

and murmur, "Slush-slush, slushy"

as they slid around the melting snow.

I did appreciate the icicles from an aesthetic distance.

I admired the striking constrast of dark shadows cast by

the almost translucent hanging wonders.

You can learn something from these icicles.

Let the sun shine in!

I had a dream a few nights ago that I was

strolling down a fairly busy urban street,

and I was naked.

I didn't have much anxiety in the dream

about being naked.

I was trying to cross the street

without attracting attention.

And I was successful, in my dream

noone seemed to notice.

I welcome any interpretations!

Not sure if/how this dream is related to Last Week's Icicles.

That is also open for interpretation.

The Challah Experience

2010-01-14T08:10:00.000-05:00

My first attempt at the sensuous endeavor of yeast bread baking.

I reach my hands in, knuckle-deep, wrist-deep even...into the dough.

This little pile of doughy goodness will grow and grow and transform, magically into something

special.

Knead and wait for it to rise. Punch and caress and mold and braid.

Wait again.

Brush egg on top and bake.

Ooh! Challah is very very pretty.

Too late to have it for dinner.

So I enjoy it with Wild Blueberry Jam and a steaming mug of coffee in the morning.

Sew what?! Why should we buy postage stamps?!

2010-01-12T16:59:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, I attended a class at JoAnn's Fabrics...Sewing 101.
Yes! I'm well on my way with the goals I set for my new year. I plan to learn many many supa sexy homemaker skillz in 2010. Sewing is on the ever-growing list. These plans/goals sort of revolve around a desire to be self-sufficient. And self-sustaining. Greener. Less consumer-oriented. But probably it is just a reflection of my desire to control things around me. Now, for some reason, I have part of a Dead Milkman song stuck in my head..."Why should we buy postage stamps when we can make our own..." I'm pretty sure they are mocking someone in that song, being ironic. I don't like them anymore. I can't believe I was so hung up on them in high school. My high school self really needed better taste.
Anywho...Sewing 101....I must say that the 2 and a half hours flew by. I am no longer quite so ignorant. I am now familiar with much seamstress terminology. For instance, I know where the bobbin is. Do you? I can thread a needle in my sweet litttle machine, get her motor purring right along with the push of my foot. I know not to cut paper with my sewing scissors...the teacher stressed this often, and she even mentioned that JoAnn's sells padlocks for your scissors, just in case you need to lock those babies up!
I have my first pattern cut out.
I'm making something for myself out of an old pair of flannel pajama bottoms...usable, wearable..which will decrease my wasteful impact on the environment.
So...I'm jumping right in. Wish me luck!

Reality of Change and Pressing Pause on the Fantasy.

2010-01-12T12:10:00.000-05:00

Now the initial excitement over Michael getting a job and our upcoming move has started to wear off a bit, and the Reality of the MOVE is setting in. I'm still thrilled to be relocating to the DC area, but moving is always challenging.
Challenges to face:
1) Find a home (preferably one that has a yard so that I can have a garden...and maybe 3 chickens...and a beehive). We are probably going to be renting for the first year...possibly a yardless apartment...but we are hopeful that we can rent a house.
We want to live super close to Montgomery College, where Michael will be teaching. We fantasize about Michael being able to walk or bike to class. Seriously, Michael on a bike, head in the wind, not driving (saving $ on gas, no car insurance, no polluting), getting a workout in the process, is hot stuff. Hubba hubba.
Since we have that particular fantasy, we are limited to a small geographic area surrounding the college...so our home/apartment options are indeed limited.
I would really love to have eggs laying around in the backyard, hiding under leaves of spinach and cabbage like sweet yolky Easter presents. And I'd love to harvest my own honey, hear the hum of industrious bees as they pollinate my hollyhocks and phlox. But alas, my beehive and chicken fantasies may have to be compromised for some time.
2) Find another Co-op for Noah. This is a ginormous challenge! I've been so fortunate here in Syracuse to find an awesome co-op...not so sure it can be replaced. Noah and I are both going to miss the friendships we've luckily stumbled upon through co-op. Plus, even though co-op is not a 'preschool', Noah has been learning so much from the good Miss Lewis, and the good Miss Sarah. And he learns so much from the other kids too- like sword-fighting and new and interesting fart noises. And how to share. And how to accept differences. And how to listen. And how to put on and zip up his own coat. In Syracuse, this is a huge milestone that kids must meet before they are admitted to Kindergarten...otherwise those poor teachers would spend all day just getting kids bundled and unbundled.
3) Tying up all the loose ends around here. Can't leave my mother-in-law swinging in the wind. We have to make sure that we leave our current home in such fantastic condition that people will be lining up to purchase it! Packing. Cleaning. Repairing.
And I have to go through all of the STUFF we've accumulated over the past couple of years...the stuff piling up in the basement...laying around in the attic...bulging out of the shed....littering the yard. What to keep, what to yard-sell, what to freecycle?

Where to begin?

So, while I am delighted for a new beginning in a place which promises opportunity, I am slightly overwhelmed (or maybe just over-caffeinated) by all the details to attend to...and the sacrifices that must be made.

Fuschia

2010-01-02T23:13:00.000-05:00

Still watching these strange little beauties...

...putting on such a show....

My prom dress was that exact same maddening fuschia color senior year.

Best Laid Plans

2010-01-02T22:31:00.000-05:00

I don't remember what my resolutions were for 2009, if I made any.

It was important to me to experiment with a few things and have some adventures.
Taste the New and see with a Fresh Perspective.
Luckily, most of my experiments were edible.
Most of my adventures involved fresh air, trees, and kids.
All and all, I would say that 2009 wasn't too shabby, in spite of me being completely broke.
As a matter of fact, being broke has inspired me to be more creative.
Instead of mindlessly shopping at the mall and going deeper and deeper into debt, I was fortunate to search for treasures Mindfully at thrift stores and yard sales...or simply DO WITHOUT! Gasp!
Instead of entertaining Noah with more and more expensive toys and activities, I was able to share the bliss of beautiful parks, fantastic libraries, backyard and kitchen explorations, and wherever else our imaginations might lead us.
I was able to meet our weekly grocery budget of less than $100 with no problem at all by cutting way back on meat. We went from having meat in almost every meal to going meatless almost every meal. This encouraged me to experiment with vegetarian dishes that I'd never tried before...some that I'd never heard of before either.
I started taking joyful trips to the Farmer's Market.
I grew food. I ate the food I grew. I made preserves.
I made gifts.
I began to try to Do It Myself. Make stuff. Fix stuff.
In 2009 I had the Luxury of Time to acquire certain basic skills that I was lacking. Skills for self-sufficiency and sustainability. It has been rather empowering to learn that I can do it myself.

For 2010 I hope to continue learning and growing.
Some specific interests/plans/hopes:

1) I want to learn how to bake bread...the kind with yeast that you knead! Really, I've never even tried to do it before. I think Challah is lovely and delicious. I saw a yummy-looking recipe on The Frugal Girl's blog that I plan to try. I'll start there and let you know how it goes.

2) I want to learn to sew. I was given a sewing machine for Christmas from my wonderful and creative Aunt Beth. She enjoys sewing and quilting and all kinds of amazing craftiness, and I think she's happy that I've finally shown some interest. If only I lived near her...within the same state at least, then she could mentor me, take me under her wing. Sigh. But alas, she's in the sun, I'm in the snow. Luckily, I have a fabulous husband who listened to my request for experiential gifts for Christmas, and he registered me for Sewing 101 at Joann's Fabrics.
I plan to sew curtains for our new place in DC.
Also, (now here's where I'll surely lose any male readers if I have any...and maybe even gross out squeamish lady readers too) I plan to sew some PADS! That's right menstrual stuff. Eww! Seriously though...it would be less harmful to the environment (all the wasted paper, plastic packaging, adhesive, etc.), no more toxic chemicals around sensitive, er, um, special areas, and I'll save a ton of money too. Feminine products are expensive. I'm getting a Diva Cup too, just thought I'd share!
3) I plan to make my thumb a little bit greener. Which just means that I want to grow more stuff. I don't know yet whether we'll have a yard in DC...we may rent an apartment for a year...may have to settle for housplants and a potted garden...herbs and tomatoes. Whatever the case, I hope to educate myself more and continue to eat things that I grow.
4) I want to make my own soap and shampoo and lotion- free from all the junk that is in the products we buy at the store. I like the idea of cutting out all the excess chemicals...all of those ingredients that aren't even pronouncable. Plus, I think that I'll enjoy the chance to be creative with selecting essential oils and natural ingredients. Maybe I'm just a control freak!?
5) I want to fix the damn zipper on my favorite hoodie.
6) I want to continue to take pictures, write poetry, and blog a little too.

With all this said, I have to keep in mind that "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry," and I will try to forgive myself if I'm not as productive as I hope.

I did eat my Hoppin' Johns and my Mess o' Greens yesterday...so bring on the good luck and good fortune!

What are your plans and hopes for the year?

In the Throes and Thaws

2009-12-30T16:09:00.000-05:00

Of course the snow's been falling.

What surprises me though, is the tiny little puny amounts.

I've been able to shovel the driveway in less than half and hour.

I can still go from Here to There with relative ease.

Native Syracusians are still wearing shorts.

I can open my front door without piles of snow falling in on me.

I can still feel my fingers and toes.

It's just been very pretty and not very devastating.

I don't want to tempt the wrath of the Snow Gods, but Syracuse does have it's reputation to worry about. We won the Golden Snowball last year (and the year before, and the year before that...and so on) with our glorious 100+ inches of pure WINTERTIME. See http://www.goldensnowball.com/ if you think I'm making this up! But this year we are getting stomped by everyone but Albany.

Just lovely little cotton balls.

Without the teeth and peril, and fear of becoming the Donner party.

It's almost liveable.

Home-made Hokey-ness

2009-12-27T22:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Blog,
I've missed you so.
The week/days leading up to Christmas have been abundantly full of festivities: Cookie Exchange. Field trip to the Gingerbread exhibit. Thrift store treasure-hunting.
I tried to make as many of my own gifts as possible...or to give gifts that are experiential or consumable.
I couldn't write about what I've been up to, because I didn't want to reveal any gifts before Christmas. You see, I fool myself into thinking that people actually read this blog! I know I'm mostly just talking to myself. But that's ok. Really.
Anyways, now that all of the presnts have been unwrapped, I can reveal without spoiling anything.
This year, I totally had time to do all of this:
1) Bake Coconut Macaroons, Cranberry White Chocolate Cookies, Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies, pack them off and ship them to Florida in time for pre-Christmas munching. Then I discovered that the Coconut Macaroons are really fantastic dipped in chocolate...and so more macaroons were toasted and dipped for other gifts.
2) I made jam for the first time ever. Strawberry Champagne Jam. Also, Pumpkin Butter. Those were given as gifts too. The jam has a beautiful, vivid color. But, my, oh my, is it ever sweet. I have warned everyone that they may just want to use it as syrup. Next time, I will use less sugar than the recipe calls for. I don't want someone's onset of diabetes to be on my conscience.

3) I made Kaluha Body Scrubs and Lavendar Lemon Cookie Body Scrubs as presents. Michael and I had a silky smooth slippery evening trying those out. We determined that they are Pure Awesomeness and that every couple should do the same. Really, they exfoiliate your skin, smooth rough spots, all while indulging in a delicious aroma-therapy experience. And they are edible and romantic. I think these scrubs are my favorite experiment so far!
4) I created some Man-lets for some manly/metro men in my life. Also made bracelets and earrings and necklaces for several lovely ladies. Many of my beads were from my jewelry and refashioned into new stuff...like beads from bracelets turned into adorable earrings. The earrings and bracelet I made for my mom were from beads I bought off a monk...which you can read about in one of my previous posts (Namaste Beads).
5) I put together a felt board for Noah and created some felt creatures and shapes- Christmas themed- Frosty, a Christmas tree with ornaments and a star. And an underwater scene with a whale, octopus, and starfish.
6) I put together a dress up box for Noah from scarves, ties, and old hats from the thrift store.
7) I made some of my own wrapping paper out of Noah's fingerpaintings and other art.
8) I put together a book of my poetry and photos I have taken...mostly of Noah or nature pics.

Overall, it was very satisfying for me as the Giver to be able to make these things instead of shop. However, I don't know how the Receivers feel! Sure, sure, they all said thanks and smiled...but would they have rather received a tie or a candle or a gift card? I don't know?!
Another thing... it can be very time consuming to make gifts. I have the time right now, so no biggie, but when I go back to work or have another kid, time will be a little tougher to come by.

I must say that I was given some terrific gifts made by my Aunt Beth. She's been sending her own creations for a few years now, and they are TREASURES! This year she made an amazing book for me...she took a philosophy book and "reclaimed" it with collage art, lovely pieces of lace, doors and flaps that open... The book has a gardening theme, so she included bits of wisdom and herbology throughout...and even packets of seeds. It is so detailed and personalized. Inspiring! I will have to photograph the book and post pics on this here blog. You just may swoon.
My gift creations weren't nearly as inspiring. But, to be fair to myself, I am still in the learning phase of craftiness. Aunt B is a craft-pro. I'll get better. My creations will become less hokey as I go! Let's hope!

I would love to hear about your experiences giving, receiving, and/or creating presents.
Hope your holiday was joyous!

Tree Hugs and Kisses

2009-12-09T21:12:00.000-05:00

Wish I could spend more time just walking around in the woods looking at trees. I love, love, love them so.
I am a genuine treehugger. There's no denying it.

Last week, before it started snowing here in NY, I went to the Beaver Lake Nature Center to select a holiday gift for someone special (I can't go into more detail...since the receiver may peek in at this here blog). It was in the 30's, breezy, and gloomy. But that was perfect for my mood. You see, I had been listening to Tori Amos all morning and looking at the gray sky and dreading the long winter. I was in a slightly bitter, melancholy state when I arrived at the BLNC.

But lo and behold...there were the trees singing to me...the lyrics of a Tori Amos song...
"Look, I'm standing naked before you..."
And naked they were. And glorious.

Not many brave souls were at the BLNC for a hike or jog.

Lucky me.

I was able to spend some quaility time alone admiring these beauties.

The gnarls, the pretzel, heart-shaped wooden wonder, the bark.

A feast of BROWN

BROWN

Brown is lovely.

A spot.

A view.

For my eyes only. It was very intimate.

Now the snow has started falling in this part of the world.

The BLNC will soon be visited by snowshoers
and cross-country skiers.

I'll try not to be greedy.

I'll try to share these- loveliest of trees

as they dress up all in white.

You're still using PAPER? Sheesh!

2009-12-08T23:18:00.000-05:00

Do you like to drink coffee?
Are you still drinking it out of a silly paper cup...that will not be recycled...which will continue to contribute to landfill overflow? Disgusting. Tssk Tssk.

Well, why don't you just go right out and get yourself a snazzy non-disposable cup!
I only recently got with the program. Before that, I was ruining the world like the rest of you. Actually, I am more guilty than most 'normal' people because I very much enjoy drinking coffee out and about in cafes so that I can people-watch, read books, write poetry, and pretend to read books and write poetry while I'm really people-watching.
Now I carry with me at all times...a beautiful and cute pink travel mug...kind of like this...

By the way, a travel mug would make an excellent holiday gift for any coffee or tea drinkers in your life.

You can always carry around a cool mug too. Or if you're really desperate for coffee, and you didn't bring your own non-disposable cup...just have the barista pour that Mocha Choco Latte straight down your throat. I guarantee that after that experience, you will not forget your non-disposable again.

I am just proposing small little ecological baby steps here. Go get your coffee buzz on. Cheers!

Transient

2009-12-08T17:31:00.000-05:00

A poem of mine from way back in the day....

Transient
Take the 7:20
To wherever you lead yourself
Touch off
Take off into towns
Named after presidents
Gleaming in rain-soaked streets
We become perfectly meaningless streaks
Just passing through
Take my address
Take my big love
Take down these numbers
Scrape them into skin
We can step around
Photograph or sue
Everyone we’ve been
Passed through

Take my place
Don’t have to talk about ghosts
I’ll take my death when I get there
Haven’t you heard?
We are all so small
We count everything we’ve lost
From the very first day of our pasts

With adoration
With devotion
I hope for a handful of salt
To take from the ocean

Passing through

Easy does it there, buddy!

2009-12-03T11:35:00.000-05:00

I am trying to use "Easy does it there, buddy!" (with a Frances McDormand from Fargo Minnesotan accent) as my new mantra through the holiday season and beyond.

"Easy does it there, buddy!" is what I will be telling myself when I have radical urges to buy enormous amounts of stuff. I have overdone it in the past, and it dosen't make people happy to get lots of junk from me...it makes them feel GUILTY for not reciprocating. And it has, in the past, created much credit card debt. And all of that stuff and junk breaks or wears out after 6 months or so...planned obsolescence...or it is no longer fashionable. It's a lose-lose situation. Oh, yeah, and it is harmful to the planet. Our junk and stuff is mostly non-recyclable, ends up in the landfills where it is burned- which releases toxic waste into the air, water...which we breathe and drink. Basically, we are poisoning ourselves with the crap we buy.
Merry happy friggin toxic Christmas.
And are you aware of what we do to the world to make all of this disposable stuff? Well, if you watch
The Story of Stuff, you will suddenly become enlightened, and probably sad, and a bit angry, and perhaps hopeful. It's a 20 minute video. Annie Leonard explains it all better than me at http://www.storyofstuff.com/

So, "Easy does it there, buddy!" means that I will try to shop with Annie Leonard perched on one shoulder, encouraging me to shop with a conscious, to be mindful of how what I buy affects other people and the world. I will still have presents under the tree, but I will try to give gifts that are experiential, consumable, local, handmade... I get tons of inspiration from Angela and her blog My Year Without Spending. Her November 17th post on Experiential Gifts for the Holidays was especially helpful for me to brainstorm ideas for my loved ones. Visit her here: http://myyearwithoutspending.blogspot.com/2009/11/experiential-gifts-for-holidays.html

Of course "Easy does it there, buddy!"- my new mantra- applies to other areas in my life. I'm hoping it will remind me to be less reactive, less stressed. Shhh...I'm channeling my inner pregnant police lady.

Grateful

2009-12-01T18:13:00.000-05:00

Over Thanksgiving break,

I was grateful for this little munchkin...

...and this delicious Mediterranean Frittata prepared by my loving husband...

...this sculpture outside of the Science Museum that occupied Noah

long enough for me to admire...

...this tree, its layers,

the process of shedding and renewal...

...and I was also grateful for this good-natured old cat...

...who allows Noah to dress her up in fancy hats...

She Blooms

2009-12-01T17:57:00.000-05:00

Cyclamen Update!

She opens up a few of her buds.

Brilliance! Fairies, butterflies,
something with a hint of magic hovers on those slender stalks.

And she cleans the air for us.

If not now...when? Excuses for not writing.

2009-11-24T16:50:00.000-05:00

On most Tuesdays, I have a little time to myself while Noah is at co-op. The luxury of 3 and a half kid-free hours is truly treasured. However, I must fill that time with something I deem 'productive.' Not running errands or cleaning the house or napping. No no no. I decided that I have to spend that time writing and/or reading. Not on the computer. Blog posts just don't count. I see this time as personal enrichment hours.
But there is never an ideal situation. There aren't any cafes nearby to write in. I can't go home and be reminded of the millions of other things that I should be doing, and have the cats jumping on my lap. So I sit in the grocery store cafe and argue with myself over why I should even write in the first place. After all, everything's already been said much more eloquently by someone else. And, oh yeah, I suck. By the time I finish going through my lists of insecurities and oppressions, I have a short window of time to focus on Writing. And by then, I'm hungry. Or I have to pee.
Sigh.

Excuses for not Writing (with a capital W) today:

1) Location. I am sitting in a grocery store. It's a nice enough store. I'm on the second floor overlooking the floral department and cafe. I'm surrounded by employees munching their quick lunch breaks. Chewing abounds. Carts are chug-a-lugging. Moms and babies goo goo gaga-ing. Renewing. Baptizing themselves in the flourescently lit consumerist river. Filling baskets with Thanksgiving dinner ingredients. Eyes full of hope, dread, panic, weariness.

2) Grocery store music. Just loud enough to distract. Sappy enough to sicken. Old enough to evoke associations which lead to memories. Catchy. I find myself unwittingly singing, "Oooh...aahhh...I want to be with you everyway...." and "If you don't know me by now...you will never never never know me...ooh...ooh..."

3) Entitlement. Damn you, Virginia Woolf. I love you, honey, but should I be convinced that I need a room of my own to sit and Write (capital W again) in? If women wait for that to happen, we will go on waiting til the cows come home. And no cows are ever coming home to me. (I don't really know what that expression means.) Yes, if you want to be a Writer, a professional writer, you need time, space. But we can't all be Woolf, we can't all have wealthy aunts who give us that 600 pounds so that we can indulge in our 'art'. I'm not bitter.
My room is like a coffin full of cat fur. Nothing alive and vibrant gets written there.
So, here I sit in a grocery store. I can have a creme brulee coffee and a chocolate chip muffin for 2 bucks. A table and chair of my own overlooking bright flowers with plenty of folks to spy on.

If I want to write, I should just tell myself to shut up and write. Right?

After much deliberation, I got around to wrting a few ideas for stories/poems down. At least it's something.

Meatless Monday: Grilled Portobello or Eggplant 'Burgers'

2009-11-23T15:38:00.000-05:00

If you are fortunate enough to live someplace warm, like FL, where most of my family and friends reside, then maybe you should consider something GRILLED for your Meatless Monday dinner tonight.
Might I suggest for you the vegetarian's steak: the PORTOBELLO MUSHROOM.
Portobellos are so hearty and flavorful.
You can marinate the shroom in some Italian dressing, or garlic oil, throw it on the grill until the juices are flowing and the 'meat' is tender. Stick it on a bun with all the fixin's (cheese, lettuce, tomato, roasted red peppers, caramelized red onions...whatever floats your gastronomical boat).

Yummy. Easy. Super low fat. Healthy Healthful. Cheap (but not as cheap as beans). And you can rest assured that you are not eating a friendly animal. That makes me feel good to know.

Or maybe you'd like to try a grilled Eggplant Burger? Well, that is also very easy and delicious...
Just take an eggplant (remove the skin, or not), slice into 1/4 inch thick slices. Marinate or not. Grill it. Melt some cheese on top, maybe feta? Bun it...or try it on toasted sourdough. Also wonderful.

Enjoy!

Grill while you can Floridians. I envy you. Even though its not super cold yet here in NY, I will not be venturing into the great outdoors to grill up my dinner tonight. For the LeBlanc's Meatless Monday dinner, we will be enjoying the fabulousness that is Chana Masala.

Wander Lust, Road Trips, and Things to do in DC

2009-11-23T11:55:00.000-05:00

Michael has a job interview at Montgomery College in the Tacoma Park/Silver Spring, MD area on Dec 11th.
The three of us are loading up the car and taking the trip to DC together. And maybe Susan will come to.

I've been to DC before. Did a road trip with Melissa a few years back that included DC. My memory of that trip is a little fuzzy. I've discovered recently, that if I begin to write fuzzy memories down, more details emerge. Sometimes the details are invented by my mind trying to fill in the gaps. Sometimes my mind whips up new and improved memories, fulfilling wishes, erasing scars, eliminating shame and despair. I'm thankful for this.

I remember that we drove from FL to DC, laughing often and stopping at many roadside attractions to take pictures. Mel and I were both taking a ceramics class at the art center at FSU, and had darkroom access as well. So we fely compelled to take many pictures with our fancy 35mm cameras, with plans to develop them when back in Tally. I have, from that trip, a black and white photo of a huge paper mache elephant. The elephant had creepy black circles around its eyes. I have another photo memento of a semi that had "Keep Humping" painted on the side of its trailer. I also have a photo of a little boy dipping his fingers into the pool in front of the National Monument. I'll have to dig those pics out and make sure they match up with my memory of them.

From DC, Mel and I must have driven to Ohio to visit her Aunt Jane and Grandmother. Apparently, the particular town that Mel's granny lived in was living with the painfully scary memory of a flood that had engulfed the area. Were there flood lines on the sides of buildings?

After Ohio, we drove to Kentucky and visited Mammoth Caves. That was pretty awesome and a bit claustrophobic. Maybe we ran out of film, because I have no photos of the Mammoth Caves. I do remember darkness, then multi-colored lights illuminating the stalagmites and stalactites.

Somewhere along the way, probably winding through the Appalachian or Smokey Mountains, Melissa and I both had to pull over and barf. One of us barfed in the car too. I don't remember who.

One last little tidbit of a memory...I was driving at one point at night through so much fog and mist that it felt for sure that we were in the clouds. It was very surreal. I couldn't see a thing in front of me. We crept along agonizingly slow. I don't know where we were headed, or how we managed to escape. But I was sure that it was hell. Were we high? Maybe? Just driving to the convenience store from the hotel for Funyuns? I'm definetely not sure if that's accurate, since Mel and I would have never smoked or anything like that.

Anyways, now I am looking for things to do in the DC area with a kid. I think we'll say hi to the pandas at the National Zoo. Go to the top of the National Monument to see the city from a bird's eye view.

I'm excited about the possibility of living in the DC area. But not too excited. Don't want to get my hopes up.

But the area is closer to my family and friends in FL.

The area has more opportunities for Michael and I for employment. More opportunities than Syracuse. Perhaps I can even utilize my International Affairs Masters degree if I live in DC.

I want to live in a more urban area that has public transportation options. I know DC's not the best in these regards, but it's an improvement over the Cuse. More cultural experiences: museums, monuments, etc.

And of course, oh my goodness, the richness of history, the excitement of living in our capital!

I love taking trips. I love to get up and go and look out the window and listen to how people talk and what food they eat and observe the differences and similarities. I love possibility. New beginnings.

My mother used to say that I was left on her doorstep by a band of gypsies. I wouldn't be surprised if that's true. WanderLust.

Cyclamen, my favorite houseplant.

2009-11-15T22:56:00.000-05:00

Admire the Cyclamen's heart-shaped foilage.

In the center, many buds

will soon be opening.

Then, delicate fushia flowers will adorn their long, slender stems.

In Victorian days, Cyclamen were the Christmas plants given to neighbors and friends.

Now the tradition is to give Poinsettias.

Supposedly, you can make a tea from the Cyclamen petals.

However, it is officially POISONOUS.

Beware of her dangerous beauty.

It's Monday Again. Quiche, Anyone?

2009-11-15T21:57:00.000-05:00

You know what Monday means, right? Meatless, baby.
Don't cry, Glenn Beck, I don't want to take away your steak.

I am just suggesting that you try a meatless meal one day this week...just Monday. You can just try it. There are plenty of things that you know are delicious that don't happen to be meaty.

Like Gingerbread cookies.

Here is our family in gingerbread form.
That's me in the Nerds shirt and fish skirt. Micheal's eyes are M&M's. Noah is a sprinkle bear.

Perhaps you don't want to make a meal out of gingerbread?
Well, then, you are no fun!

Ok, maybe you require something more substantial.

I recommend QUICHE for your Meatless Monday meal/experiment/extravaganza.
Quiche is elegant, yet hearty. Fantastic for any meal of the day...but I prefer a dinner quiche.
It's healthy. It's quick. It's cheap. It's easy.
And believe me, being cheap and easy is a good good thing! ; )

Here's a simple way to do it (Quiche, that is):

1) CRUST. You can make your own. Or you can do as I do...buy a refrigerated pie crust. Brown it.
2) CHEESE. Whatever kind you have. Whatever you like. Grate it or slice it. Whatever. Put it on top of the browned crust. This forms some kind of wonderfulness. It also prevents your crust from getting soggy from the eggs and other fillings.
3) FILLING. Use whatever you like. This is the fun part. You get to experiment. Try different flavor combinations. It's a culinary adventure. Look in your fridge and see what veggies are in danger of becoming Food Waste, and use it up! Or if you need a little inspiration, saute green and red peppers, onion, and garlic. Or try some mushrooms and spinach. Maybe just tomatoes and fresh basil. How about broccoli?
Go wild. Be conservative. Do whatever. Really, you can't fail here.
Spread veggie filling over cheese.
4) EGGS. Take 3 or 4 eggs. Whisk them with a little skim milk. Pour whisked eggs on top of the veggie filling. Sprinkle a little paprika on top for color...or oregano. Bake for 30-40 minutes. Or until quiche is no longer jiggly.

Serve this with a fruit salad on the side. Or roasted asparagus. Or a caesar salad. Or some green beans.

Or maybe with some warm gingerbread cookies right out of the oven.... and a glass of cold milk.

Have a full and happy belly!

Beer-Infused Wasted Food

2009-11-12T10:44:00.000-05:00

Last night, I whipped up this beautiful Pot Pie.

Unfortunately, it was inedible. In fact, it was disgusting.

These things happen sometimes when I 'go rogue' in the kitchen'...sigh.

Everything was going great. The veggie filling was sauteing, the bottom crust was golden brown, the roux was standing by .

And then, a very stupid thought entered my mind, "Hmm...maybe I could add BEER to this?!!!"

Have you ever heard of a beer-infused veg pot pie? Nope, me either...I was being a maverick, blazing the trail for epicurians everywhere.

We happend to have some Saranac India Pale Ale. I purchased this ale because it was made in 'the foothills of the Adiorondacks'...and I am compelled to be a locavore whenever I can...especially with beer and wine. Nothing like supporting the local economy and getting a buzz to boot.

But, alas, the Saranac Pale Ale is a wee too bitter in my book.

And the potatoes and carrots completely absorbed the bitterness like little sponges. Bleh! Blick!

The worst part of all of this?

Not my husband's loss of faith in my cooking abilities.

Not the fact that we ended up feasting on Honey Bunches of Oats for dinner.

Not the pain of seeing such a gorgeous golden brown pie crust,

crunchy and flaky, and then not being able to enjoy a single bite.

Nope, nope, nope. None of that.

The worst thing about this is the wasted food.

I lose sleep over food waste.

Wasting food is like throwing money away.

I was trying so hard to not let the baby carrots in the produce drawer shrivel any further, and the celery was going limp, and the potatoes were growing new eyes. So the pot pie was (would have been) an awesome and delicious way to rescue those veggies from the sad fate of the compost pile.

O! The tragedy of waste!

Don't be me.

I could really use a beer now. Beer Therapy. Anyone have any suggestions?

I would prefer to try something from the central/upstate NY area...but not anything sucky.

Thanks.

Cheers.

Hmmm....I wonder why so many of my posts involve some kind of failure on my part?

Maybe I should change the name of my blog to something like...

Confessions of an Un-Domestic Goddess!

The Weekend...

2009-11-08T23:45:00.000-05:00

We visited the farmer's market.

Brought back Brussel Sprouts on a stick.

I didn't realize they grow that way.

I always assumed they sprouted up like little lettuces out of the ground.

Nothing hotter than a man who loves his vegetables.

We also raked the leaves that had filled our yard.

Yellow. Brown. Crunchy.

Some leaves were still falling.

Like this one that floated gracefully until it came to rest on Noah's sweet head.

Noah jumped in every single pile. Buried himself completely. Popped out again.

His happiness is boundless.

And so contagious.

Sunday evening.

The non-Jack-o-Lantern Pumpkins beg and plead to be used for something

other than decorations for the front porch.

I bathe them. Chop them. Roast them.

They will be transformed into Pumpkin Butter.

Homeade Pumpkin Butter will be a fine Christmas gift for someone.

Meatless Monday and a Lesson in Tofu

2009-11-08T17:46:00.000-05:00

Meatless Monday approaches. Do you have your Meatless Monday meal planned? Well, just so you know, you can find some truly awesome recipes from Meatless Monday participants on their website:
http://www.meatlessmonday.com/

I recently tried a few out.
Ok, this may sound gross or otherwise unappealing, but I tried out Barbequed Tofu!!!
I admit it. I have been a tofu skeptic. I would much rather use a vegetable or bean than a flavorless block of white spongy sliminess. I have tried tofu in stirfries with plenty of ginger and sesame oil...but it still was too tofu-ey.

With all this said, I loved the Barbequed Tofu...and amazingly... my husband did too! And he is even more of a tofu snob than me.

You can look up the recipe on the Meatless Monday site, but I'll just tell you what made this tofu experience different than all of those sad sad times before.

First, you FREEZE the tofu.
Then you slice/shave the frozen tofu...it almost replicates sliced turkey in appearance.
Finely chop some onions (Sweet Vidalia, in our case).
Smother in BBQ sauce (Dinosaur Jr. for us).
MARINATE in the fridge for a while (4 hours, in our case).
Bake at 350 degrees for half an hour or so.
Serve on Sesame Buns with Coleslaw and a Pickle.

Oh my Barbequed Goodness! This was delish!

The MARINATING is really what made all of the difference here...and I think the thin meaty-looking slices helped too. There were no leftovers in our house.
So the valuable lesson about cooking with tofu is this: Since it is utterly bland on it's own, marinate it in a strong flavor, and you will have much better results.
Tofu is made from the ever-versatile and healthful soybean. And boy oh boy, is it cheaper than meat. The block o' tofu I purchased was $1.99 at Wegman's.

We only used half the block for the Barbequed Tofu recipe. I think I will slice the other half, marinate it in a Thai Peanut sauce, serve it with shredded steamed carrots over noodles. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Any tofu cooking pros out there? Any suggestions or recipes? I'd love to hear all about it.

My Defense for Blog Fail...and some Book Reviews

2009-11-05T11:31:00.000-05:00

It has been a week and a half since I last blogged. There were extenuating circumstances. Really. My darling, dear 3-yr-old son placed a magnet on my laptop! Needless to say, the hard drive was completely wiped/scrambled/fried. Like an egg. Or your brain on drugs.

I hired a 'geek' to attempt to retrieve anything from the hard drive. But the geek failed. Geek Fail, nothing worse than being defeated by a 3-yr-old wielding a magnet. So, precious digital photos, goodbye. Luckily I had much of my stuff backed up. But still. It took a while to get my laptop back, get a new hard drive installed, get all of my programs and drivers and etc. etc. back.

Then, of course, we celebrated my favorite pagan holiday of the year. Being the pagan I am, I was so busy making candy apples, carving pumpkins, and throwing together Noah's costume, that the blog was neglected once again.

King Noah of the Jack-o-Lanterns

My kid has a GUN! Good Lord. What kind of politically-correct liberal am I?!

Finally, the Co-op has been calling and requesting my assistance. Oh boy. We had a 3 and a half hour board meeting on Tuesday night! Lots of work remains to be done, typing up the minutes.

And then there's our little secret. Michael is teaching 6 classes this semester...driving to 3 different campus's... and he is doing online tutoring...and tutoring on campus. Sheeeesh. So to help in some small way, I have offered my skills to Michael for his online tutoring. For 3 hours on Wed nights, I rap the knuckles of college freshmen, and help them get in line and clean up their grammar and punctuation. College freshmen are pretty much just like my high school seniors. Oh my goodness, why oh why do people have so much trouble getting their subjects and verbs to agree!?

I have such high hopes for this blog. I would love more folks to follow and interact with the blog, leave comments, join the discussion. I can't wait to get back and do the Meatless Monday posts. In fact, I had pictures and a recipe for a gorgeous/delicious quiche...and I was all set to post them...but then the Magnet Wielding 3-yr-old came along, and those pics are history. Ok, I will wipe away my tears and move forward.
Stay tuned!

One last thing. I finished 2 books.
Margaret Atwood's "The Year of the Flood" is awesome and prophetic. And I don't give a darn what the New York Times Review of Books says... But then, I'm biased. I'm a maniac fangirl when it comes to Atwood. "The Year of the Flood" takes place in a consumer-based/corporate-run society. The main characters are on the fringes of this society gone awry. The tale is told from the perspectives of 2 women in the God's Gardeners cult. Religion. Science. Non-consumerism. Hippies. Who could ask for more? Not me, I tell you, not me!
Also, I read Shirley Jackson's "We Have Always Lived in the Castle." Jackson's wrote "The Haunting of Hill House," horror/spooky fans.

I must say, Castle was disturbing...but the narrator, Merricat, was the quirkiest character I've met in a long while. If you are agorophobic, and you handle most of your social interactions through your computer, you may find yourself relating to this strange girl. It was a perfectly creepy read for Halloween.

Noah's Thrifty Duds and Shopping Mindfully

2009-10-24T18:32:00.000-04:00

The official reason for this post is to show you how you can get cute clothes for your kids...and still be super thrifty. But, honestly, I just wanted to share these fun photos of my silly boy. ; )
The sweater he's wearing cost a single buck at our Childcare Co-op's Clothing Sale. It's a Children's Place label.

The corduroy pants were also a buck. They're Polo. Not that I care about labels myself.

It's been easy to dress Noah for free or cheap...and still have him look like a sharp-dressed, handsome lil' devil. Since we moved to NY, we have received hand-me-downs from other LeBlanc boys. Free stuff!! That's been awesome. Also, since we've been involved with the Co-op, we've been able to smartly shop for clothes, due to the huge clothes sales that occur twice a year. Nearly free stuff!

It's a win-win-win-win situation to buy second-hand, gently used clothes for Noah.

1) We save a bunch o' moolah.

2) I don't have anxiety about Noah very rapidly outgrowing his barely worn clothes. (Stop growing up so fast!) And if he gets somthing dirty or stained, as little boys do, no biggie...it only cost a dollar...or less.

3) We aren't buying new stuff...meaning we aren't buying into all of the wasteful packaging, not supporting the shipping of these clothes from China or wherever, not contributing to the environmental/psychological/social harm caused by our system of constantly buying new junk!

4) It's a fun adventure for me. I have such a feeling of satisfaction when I find something awesome for free or cheap. It makes me feel smart.

I must admit, my broke-ness was originally the motivation for my frugality. I used to addictively shop the sales racks at the mall. I would drive to the 24 hour Wal-Mart in the middle of the night to ease my jonesing for something shiny and new. And oh, Target, my love, how I've adored you and your 50% off, and your $1 junk isle.

I have the credit card debt to prove my lust for stuff. The materialism junkie.

Now, however, I TRY to be mindful of what I purchase. How does it effect the world I live in? Can I do without? Can I borrow? Can I get it for free or cheap? How can I be savvy about this? How can I support my values and ideals, instead of just following trends like a useless zombie? Dawn of the Dead does take place in a MALL, you know.

I am a work in progress. I'm still learning ways to BE.

I have yet to try out http://www.freecycle.org/ or http://www.paperbackswap.com/ ...but I will soon and let you know!

Anyone else have any frugal epiphanies to share? I'd love to hear about it! ; )

This Morning's Drive

2009-10-22T16:01:00.000-04:00

This Morning's Drive

Sometimes the beauty here stops me in my tracks

The trees are raining a delicate yellow spray of tiny lacy leaves

As I take my son to school

He is quiet and watchful as we drive through

this feathery 'car-wash'

Surprisingly, the geese remain, even in October
Grazing beside a pond
Red trees reflect across the water
Their hearts, a fire, bleeding out into the ripples

I see this in just glimpses driving by

A woman on the sidewalk pushing a stroller

She wears a halo of sunshine

Now I've witnessed an apparition

The synchronicity of two cars changing lanes at exactly the same moment

One on the left, one on the right, merging to the center before me

Perfectly timed to the chords and melody on the radio

A dance performed for me alone

I want to pull over and applaud this day, to thank someone

I want to kiss someone's holy blessed momma! ; )

30's are the new 20's...or f u Advanced Maternal Age!

2009-10-21T00:15:00.000-04:00

Boy am I glad last week is OVER!
My birthdays always seem to cause an unreasonable amount of stress and I get a bit melancholy. I say the stress and depression are unreasonable because I have so many things to celebrate, to be thankful for. I have a good life. I am lucky.
But still...this nagging persists. It tells me that I have to do more, buy more, be more, write more, have more kids...The feeling is akin to a prolonged panic attack. This sudden realization that time is marching on. The realization that I can't follow every path, accomplish every goal, because one day this will all...STOP.
It's sad. What makes me the saddest is knowing that someday I will be seperated from Noah and Michael. How ridiculous am I? It's birthday time, time for jubilant bliss, streamers and cake, toasting to my Life. And my mind wanders over to visit with Death and Seperation. What a party pooper.
So, I turned 35 on Sunday. Big deal, right? I don't feel old. I enjoy good health. I shake my butt off 3 times a week at Zumba. I eat a mostly meatless/ heavy on the veggies diet. I laugh a lot. I sleep well. I don't smoke (except for the occassional crack...but who doesn't do that?). I drink in moderation unless I happen to be around my roll girl Melissa, who brings out the PARTY in me. But she's in FL and I'm in NY, so I drink in moderation! Yep, I'm the picture of health.
But 35 suddenly means that I am classified by a term that I never heard of before this week.
No, I'm not a "Cougar".
Suddenly I am classified in medical terms as someone who has reached:
ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE!
What???! I am trying to conceive, but my eggs are declining in quantity and quality! Miscarriages are more common! If I do become pregnant, it will be considered an 'at-risk' pregnancy...at risk of birth defects!
I put exclamation points after each of these sentences to illustrate the intensity that I was feeling all week leading up to turning 35, leading up to ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE.
My birthdays usually cause me to reflect on my mortality, but this birthday dealt a particularly hard blow with the realization that I may not be able to produce LIFE much longer.
When I spoke to my father on the phone Sunday, he was quick to tell me that the 30's are the new 20's...which would mean he's in his new 40's. But men don't have to worry in quite the same way...sperm are fresh and new everytime they are released. Women are born with all of their eggs, and the eggs age right along with you. Me and my 35 year old eggs.

To top it all off, bits and pieces of Eliot's "Prufrock" kept entering my mind all week:
"I grow old...I grow old...I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled..."
"I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, and in short, I was afraid..."
"That is not what I meant at all. That is not it, at all."
The torture! The agony! The pretentiousness!
But if you know me at all, you know that I don't stay down for long. I feel better already now that 35 is here. I will find a way, somehow, to live with my ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE. Or maybe I should reject the label altogether? That's right, I DO 'dare disturb the universe.' I DO 'dare to eat a peach.'

Meatless Mondays: Week 1

2009-10-19T00:19:00.000-04:00

I'm very excited to present to you the first installment of
Meatless Monday!
Now, what exactly is Meatless Monday?
According to the website: http://www.meatlessmonday.com/ -
~It's a non-profit initiative in association with the John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health with the goal to reduce meat consumption 15% in order to improve personal health and the health of our planet.~
I HAVE JOINED THE MONDAY MOVEMENT, and will henceforth share recipes and other meatless tidbits.
I had trouble choosing which of my favorite meatless recipes to share with you. There are so many yummy goodies that I've been trying out from the Moosewood Cookbook (which I adore). However, some of the ingredients aren't readily available, or they might seem a bit too vegetarian. I'll share exotic Zuccanoes, Ratatouille, Curries, Chana Masala, etc...in future Meatless Monday posts. But for now I'll show you my favorite good ol' standby. I want to ease you into the meatless idea gently, dear reader. So, I will start with something delicious, yet simple, with ingredients you have actually heard of and aren't afraid to try.
Without further ado...

Cheap and Easy & Healthful and Quick Black Bean Tacos

Ingredients:
1/4 onion, chopped

1 garlic clove, minced
1 tablespoon oil or margarine
1 can black beans, rinsed and drained -if you rinse your beans, they will be less gassy...or rather, YOU will be less gassy
1 can diced tomatoes with chilies....OR 1/2 cup salsa + 1/4 cup water
1/2 package of Taco Seasoning mix OR the following spices:
(1/2 tablespoon chili powder, 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin, 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano, 1/4 teaspoon salt,
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder, 1/4 teaspoon pepper)
8 hard or soft tortillas, warmed
1/2 cup shredded reduced-fat Cheddar cheese
1 large ripe avocado, peeled and diced (optional)
1/4 cup sliced black olives (optional)
1/2 cup shredded lettuce
Directions:
In a skillet, saute onion and garlic in oil until tender. Stir in beans, tomatoes or salsa, and seasonings. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer uncovered for 5 minutes or until mixture begins to thicken. Fill taco with as much bean mixture as you like. Top with cheese, avocado, olives, and lettuce.

This feeds our family of 3 very happily. Noah and Michael even have a song:
"Black Bean- Black Bean- Black Bean- BLACK...
Gimme dem Black Beans-Black Beans- BLACK!"
We usually have a few beans left over...which I smash with a fork and use as a dip for tortilla chips.
Cheap: Black Beans- less than a buck a can...even cheaper if you use dried beans...
Easy: You just throw a few things in a pan, stir once...
Healthy: Black Beans are high in fiber and loaded with antioxidants
Quick: Oh goodness! This takes about 5 minutes to prep, 5 minutes to simmer!

Don't worry, you won't suddenly turn into a hippy just because you lay off meat for a day. Well, maybe you will, I don't know. But what's so wrong with that?! ; )
Try out this recipe with an extra-large Margarita, and let me know what you think.
I hope you enjoy!

Global Warming: Get Your Damn Hands Off My Pinot, Wildflowers, and Guacamole!

2009-10-15T11:50:00.000-04:00

Did you realize that if we don't get a grip on this Climate Change thing, we are going to have to wave "Bye Bye" to many things we hold so dear!
I know you might be thinking, go crunch your granola somewhere else. But, wait, listen, I'm not going to pull out a chart and get all Al Gore on you...There are some truly awesome things that make LIFE sweet that are in terrible danger. If you visit this site,
www.americanprogress.org/issues/2007/09/climate_100.html,

you can see for yourself 100 or so effects of Global Warming. It's terrifying- no more French wine...British wine instead! Mon Dieu, indeed! No more delicate Pinot's from Oregon, no more salmon, lobster, guacamole! I don't want to just spread fear here but, really, Cannabalistic Polar Bears and no more Christmas Trees! More dreaded mosquitos. Oh yeah, and the OCEANS ARE TURNING TO ACID!!! Not the fun kind of acid either. Maybe you would like to live in the world of Cormac McCarthy's The Road? Nope. Not me,either. Unless Viggo's there...no, not even then!

Worst of all for some, this whole Global Warming thing could cause a Global Great Depression...kind of hits me where it hurts, in my already empty wallet! Ughh!
So if you want to do some small part to SAVE THE GUACAMOLE, you can visit Scientific American's 10 Solutions for Climate Change:

www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=10-solutions-for-climate-change&page=2

Little things can make a big difference and they are totally do-able: like try walking when you can, consume less junk, try a Meatless Monday (www.meatlessmonday.com). Bonus- you can improve your health while improving the world! If you have a 'voluptuous' body, like me...saving the whales has a double meaning in your life too. ; )

As an aside, I'll be posting my ideas for doing some delicious meatless meals...every Monday from now on...stay tuned!

http://www.blogactionday.org/

We don't really want to end up Mad on a Gray Sea...now do we? I prefer the sea Blue or Green.

Say Hey I Love You

2009-10-13T14:43:00.000-04:00

We dance to this song sometimes in my Zumba class. I know it's poppy-ness doesn't really fit with my dark and jaded image. But the song is sweet and always makes me smile. The video is full of sun and good times. I thought this was Wyclef until I looked it up on YouTube. Hooray for the kisses and the kids and the drummers and the old folks and the capoeira dancers and the booty dancers in this video. Shake it if you got it!

Attack of the Killer Pumpkins!

2009-10-11T17:44:00.000-04:00

Run for your lives!!
The pumpkins are everywhere. According to the nice hairdo lady who was trimming off my gnarly dead-ends on Friday, we've had an outstanding pumpkin crop here in the 'cuse. I had no idea. She said that all the rain over the summer resulted in this huge pumpkin infestation. So many pumpkins here...fleshy orange monstrosities... have been shipped down the road to less-rainier locales...like Buffalo, Albany.
Today Noah, Michael, and I had lunch at Moe's, and then ventured forth on our Annual Pumpkin Hunt. It is such a tradition with us that we have done this 2 years in a row! ; )
We like to go to this creepy little farm near Skaneateles...it's called Frienhoff's or Heffenstien's, or something like that. And it's a little strange. You are greeted at the road by scarecrows with jack-o-lantern heads...who have been impaled! There is a freaky corn maze with more creatures with various costumes...my favorite is a zombie-ish monster wearing a shirt that says "Taxpayer"... getting all Libertarian in the corn maze, cute.
Here's Michael and Noah and some spooky spectres. Can you see the red and yellow leaves behind them? It is gorgeous around here this time of year. I have no explanation for their facial expressions.

While exploring the corn maze, much to Noah's delight, Michael walks ahead of Noah and I, hides in the stalks, and then hops out all "Buu-ha-ha! and Boogity-Boogity!" Noah loves a good scare.

And then there are the killer pumpkins. You get to load up a little red flyer for 15 bucks...or just buy them individually. Here's my lil' punkin':

At first, we just picked 3 pumpkins: a cute baby one for Noah, a medium round one for Mad, and a giant daddy for our Big Daddy. And we drove off happily with our pumpkin score. But then I suggested to that we could have gotten a whole wagonful...and that way we could be The Great Pumpkin Fairies, and deliver bright spots of delicious ORANGE-NESS (almost like being the harbringers of Fall itself) to our neighbors and to Michael's mom. Michael and Noah liked that idea...so we turned around and got our 15 bucks worth.

I don't know if Noah is picking his nose in this picture or not.

I love October! As we were driving slowly towards Skaneateles today so that we could stare at the changing Autumn leaves, I heard Garrison Keillor say on the radio (in character as Guy Noire),

"October is heartbreaking...and that proves you have a heart..."

I'm paraphrasing here. Go, yourself, and listen to The Prairie Home Companion on a crisp, sun-shiney Sunday afternoon... and let something out there break your heart just a little.

I have some Great Pumpkin Fairy work to do....

Happy Pumpkin Hunting to you!

Two Poems Inspired by The Song of Everlasting Sorrow (pages 13-18)

2009-10-08T16:55:00.000-04:00

I've been reading The Song of Everlasting Sorrow for my book club. It is extremely dense and rich with language. I had to put the book down twice to jot down little poems inspired by the tone of the book and her intense, vivid, word-choice. Here is the result:

A Thunderously Noisy Melancholy

I write poetry in the fall, winter, and spring
The summer- too alive, too many adventures to experience
A ripening joy drops fruit and flowers

Autumn arrives with a hue of memory, old loss
Remembrances of withering hope and aching sorrow
Orange afternoons

Death's pallor- pressed against winter cheeks
By the time the snow starts flying
Lonely ambition is buried under drifts

Spring returns like a lover's tender kiss
The heart looks around with shining eyes- see a silver flash
Of lightening- fragile life, hatching

Easier to Part than Join (The Non-Loss of Virginity)

The Young Lady's Bedchamber
She didn't invite him into her own room
With pictures of laughing friends
Instead, the spare room- generic, adult, king-sized bed
Hungry secret thumping under the cover of night
Revealing a sunken-chest, sweetly treasured
Because it was his, hidden
She stammers, stutters
There would be no way to explain away
Her intact heart, wild and timid
Not cradled by this one
A moth spinning away from the flame

Final Green Tomato Harvest

2009-10-07T16:01:00.000-04:00

These little babies are the last of our 2009 Green Tomato Harvest.
We did not intend to have a Green Tomato Harvest...but with this year's weather conditions, and the Tomato Blight...we got tomatoes that would not ripen.
And we were lucky to have them. And thankful for them. We made the best of our Summer of Green Tomatoes by making tons of Green Tomato Salsa (also using chives from our garden).
I meant to fry up some green tomatoes, because I am from the South, after all. But I never got around to it.
I think I will make one last batch of salsa with these little babies, freeze it, and take it out in February or March when we are knee-deep in snow...and craving shoots of life, sprouts of green-ness, spicy heat on our tongues!

A Record of Recent Foolery

2009-10-07T15:14:00.000-04:00

If you know me at all, you know I have many flaws. And I make plenty o' mistakes.
I try to look at it all- LIFE- as a 'learn as you go' experience.
I try not to be too critical of myself (and others) when mishaps occur.
With that said, if you really want to learn from your mistakes, it's helpful to keep a Record of Foolery. You can name it something else if you want (List of Losing, FAIL!, Sometimes I Suck, Here's What I Did Wrong...you get the picture). It's a sort-of self-confessional.
I learned to do this during my first year teaching high school english. If a lesson didn't quite work out right, or a behavior issue wasn't handled as well as it could have been, I reflected on it. I recorded what I thought the mistakes were, and what I could do differently in the future. And I said a little Serenity Prayer too...because so many things about teaching and LIFE are way beyond our control.
Well, just for laughs today, and because it's healthy to humble myself...I will make my Record of Foolery public. Here's something stupid I did:
A few days ago, I found a heart-shaped cake pan for 50 cents at the thrift store. I saw it and thought, "Hmm...I love my husband and son...why am I not making them cakes or cookie bars or quiches in the shape of a heart?! If I buy this pan and bake them cakes...then they will truly know how much love I feel for them!"
I found a "from scratch" recipe for chocolate cake online. I have never made cake "from scratch" before, but I am willing and eager to become a domestic goddess...and "from scratch" cake will only help to prove to my husband and son how much I love them. Noah's only 3, but he has such discerning tastes. ; )
Now, as if that line of logic wasn't foolish enough, here's where I went oh so wrong...
The recipe called for Self-Rising Flour. I looked at my bag of flour, All Purpose Flour, and said, "Good Enough!" I often do that with recipes...just substitute a hard to find ingredient for whatever I have. While that can have some awesome results (that I get to take praise for), this time it wasn't pretty!

Not sure if you can tell, but the cake has the thickness of a pancake. Oh! So that's why the recipe called for Self-Rising Flour...so the flour would rise, by itself! Michael and Noah tried my Baked Chocolate Pancake, and I think they might have barfed a little when I wasn't looking. Definately retching noises were heard. I don't think this squishy, flat, ultra-concentrated, cocoa-flavored pancake conveyed the message of love I wanted to send.

What important lessons have I learned?

1) Obviously, use Self-Rising or Cake Flour, dummy!

2) Confidence in the kitchen is one thing, but I have to remember that I have much to learn about so many things...including flour.

I feel much better now, having owned up. If you should happen to try out your own Record of Foolery, or if you already do something similar, I'd love to hear about it. You are absolutely not required to be as self-depreciating as I am, of course. ; )

Erie Canal Hike with Noah

2009-10-04T18:33:00.000-04:00

Lucky I am. I have Noah to go on adventures with me!

Beautiful day today, and we hit the trails at the Erie Canal park in Camillus.

Noah next to the canal with requisite stick to jab the air. All boys do this thing with sticks, don't they?

While on the Clinton Ditch Trail, (not reffering to Bill or Hillary, presumably), we encountered an enchanted mushroom village. Surely fairies reside there, so we treaded lightly!

We selected large yellow and red leaves, tossed them into the water, and watched for a long time while they drifted off towards Buffalo.

My favorite find of the day was left behind by a chipmunk.

Cracks and hollow nuts shells... boats for Thumbelina and a friend.

Leaves are changing already. This tree, adorned with a ruby garland.

Happy Trails to you! ; )

Namaste Beads

2009-10-03T22:41:00.001-04:00

My journey into Craftiness continues!

Here I am, modeling a pair of earings that I made All By Myself yesterday.

It should have been easy. I took apart a couple of old bracelets, used their beads, and wired it all together with my handy dandy jewelry tool (tiny, round-tipped plier things). Should have been simple. Yet, I quickly discovered why beaders/beadists/beadophiles(?) need those sticky little pads to rest their beads on. My beads were rolling all over the floor and the cats were chasing them and Noah was chasing the cats.

It was chaos, really.

I learn as I go with most things in life.

Can you see them better in this picture?

Perhaps I should have taken off the sunglasses.

These earrings have four small green beads, and a bigger turquoise bead in the middle.

There is a story to that goes with the turquoise beads. When Michael and I still lived in Gainesville and were going to school at UF, we were just starting to get into Eastern Religions and Yoga. We visited a Buddhist church/temple to hear a monk speak about Love and the Buddha. It may have been a Valentine's Day event. My friend Sandra may have gone with us. I'm not sure. I do remember enjoying the presentation he gave. But more than that, I remember admiring the architecture of the church. Beautiful wooden beams jutting towards the sky. An entire windowed-wall overlooking a path leading to a lush, mossy, green forest. Serene.

Anyways, the monk, and his entourage were hawking their wares afterwards. I remember being shocked when I saw their fold-out table in the foyer with necklaces and bracelets and semi-spiritual books for sale. I was under the impression that monks were minimalistic, that they were above and beyond the Material World. And I was disappointed in the monk. I may have clicked my tongue or shook my head disapprovingly. Then I felt guilty for being such a judgmental bee-otch...so I had to BUY SOMETHING (to assuage the guilt, of course). I bought a bracelet with turquoise beads...hand-crafted by materialistic monks.

The End.

Namaste! ; )

Days of Rain and Books

2009-10-03T17:27:00.000-04:00

I knew these days were coming. Days of rain followed by more rain, and then days of rain some more. It has cooled off here in the 'cuse, pssh... as if it ever warmed up. High of 59 yesterday, gray and wet. But I knew this was coming, so I had many adventures over the summer (see my Summer of Parks post). Now I exercise my patience. The clock ticks more slowly. I can't run around anymore, nature dictates:
I must rest.
It is time for doing what I love best- curling up on the couch, or in the comfy pink chair upstairs...with a book in one hand and a cup of something steamy in the other.
Get your fuzzy slippers on. Recline, baby!
May I recommend something to read for you? I like to read a short story or poetry while Noah naps. And novels in bed at night. You could check one of these out, and let me know what you think:

1) Runaway by Alice Munro...Short stories...her insights into human relationships impress me. Her writing seems so natural, flows, makes it seem like it would be easy to pick up a pen a write a book of short stories. But no, it's not.
2) Good Poems for Hard Times compiled by Garrison Keilor...it is what it says it is...good poems for hard times...and it's accessible poetry.
3) No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July...short stories...some twisted sex stuff here but a light shines through somehow. I don't know what I mean by that. This book made me feel a bit sick...but I am still compelled by it.
4) White Tiger by Aravind Adiga...novel...capitalism runs amok in India...very interesting narrator...if you're poor like me, or grew up in poverty, you may over-identify with the main character...and then be disturbed that you do...or maybe not, maybe that's just me. Best novel I've read all year!

Big Butt Bomb

2009-10-01T17:59:00.000-04:00

The following (harrowing) cautionary tale serves to illustrate why the LeBlanc's need to live in a home with at least TWO BATHROOMS:
Late last night as I was getting out of the shower, tired, cranky, ready to curl up in bed with Margaret Atwood's new book...my beloved husband, Michael, wandered in the bathroom and dropped the Big Butt Bomb on me. I'll see if I can recall the precise wording here:
Michael: Ha Ha, Hey Dona, I just remembered the first time I saw you naked. I was shocked by how big your butt is.
Madona (covering herself with extra-large towel): What?! Are you trying to be mean?! What!?
Michael(quickly back-pedaling): No, no, I just remembered that I wasn't prepared for you to have such a big ol' ghetto booty. I don't know why I couldn't tell with your clothes on.
Mad: I don't know why either. It's not 'ghetto!'
Mike: You call it 'ghetto', why can't I?
Mad(gritting teeth): Because.
Mike: I was glad when I saw how big it was. It just meant I was getting more bang for my buck!
Mad: Umm..you didn't pay any bucks...

At this point in the story, Michael leaves the bathroom so that his marriage doesn't...er...get flushed.
Gentlemen, please, take my advice, don't use the words 'big' and 'butt' in the same sentence when referring to your lady. It doesn't matter if you like big butts (who doesn't?). It doesn't matter if your lady refers to her own butt as ghetto (which must be politically incorrect). And it certainly doesn't matter if it's the Gosh Honest Truth!
Fortunately, not only do I have a big butt, I also have a big heart...and I forgive my darling dear for his infraction (he'll pay somehow).
The LeBlancs need two bathrooms for privacy issues, obviously. But also because the current loo has been overtaken by squirty pirates and squeaky ducks.

Noah and Michael can share, and I will have my own lady room with undisturbed bubble baths, long luxurious lotion slathering, and fresh, sweet-smelling air to breathe. I can dream.
If you want to donate any monies to the Build Madona a Queenly Throne Room Fund...please do so right away. ; )

Dear God (Sincerely M.O.F.)

2009-09-30T22:42:00.000-04:00

I've loved Conor Oberst (from Bright Eyes) for a while. It's no secret. Michael knows about this and he's comfortable. He even told me about Conor Oberst's new "Super Group" called Monsters of Folk...yep, that's their real name. And I just can't help but listen to this song over and over and over.
"Dear God (Sincerely M.O.F.)" There's not really a video here, but you can hear the song and see the M.O.F. sitting on a bench with some ivy behind them. Michael understands that my love for Conor is just for his musical talents...nothing more...so don't get any funny ideas and try to set me up on a date with Conor or anything! ; )Anyways, the song, I appreciate the 70's BeeGee's feel, and of course, the lyrics.